Northwind
Invitation to a former friend
Posted on: 08/25/2010 00:43
I have recently been informed that I have been accused of posting things on Wondercafe about our former minister. I have checked through my posts and have not found anything that says what I have been accused of posting. The person who gave me this heads up was not the person who received the e-mail, but someone who likely was checking me out. Fair enough.
This is what the e-mail said:
According to comments that "Northwind" has been posting on Wondercafe I was an aggressive bully who couldn't work with people; I was responsible for all the bad relations with the [other denomination]; no one knows what I actually worked at because I didn't do anything a minister was supposed to do and there has been a huge spiritual revival in the congregation since I left. I would like to take exception to everything she has posted but I suppose that is what an aggressive bully would do. Anyways, if any of that is true and I made your life difficult please accept my most sincere apology
I did post a comment in the trouble in the church board thread and the thread about vibrant united churches. I cannot find any other recent posts containing what the e-mail suggested I wrote. I have tried to write any of my concerns with the notion that this man would be reading them.
I am posting this here as an invitation for the author of this e-mail to PM me. I do not know your user name, so cannot PM you. I believe you owe many people in the congregation an apology for how you left last year. It is really sad that things ended the way they did given your history with the congregation.
I considered you a friend. I stuck up for you and supported you on many occasions. I am sad to say, I have lost all respect for you.
May you find some peace and grace.
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Comments
Hilary
Northwind - I recall you
Posted on: 08/26/2010 10:29
Northwind - I recall you writing about your concerns with the outgoing minister from your church. As I remember it, you seemed disgruntled, confused, sad, and perhaps used. I don't ever recall thinking that your words were that of a bully.
I'm sorry that your words were misinterpreted and I hope that this can be cleared up.
crazyheart
I seem to recall that we were
Posted on: 08/26/2010 11:11
I seem to recall that we were all cautioned about talking in the cafe too much about pastoral relationships in our pastoral charges when they were in oversight. I did not find that at any time were you a bully - hurt, unhappy, searching for answers seemed to be what I gleaned from your posts.
GordW
AS I read the OP Northwind
Posted on: 08/26/2010 11:32
AS I read the OP Northwind was not being accused of being a bully but of calling someone else a bully. Did that happen? Well we can not control how others will read our words. When a relationship is breaking down (which NW did discuss) emotions can get strong and my memory is that NW was trying to deal with the emotions whil walking the fine line of not saying too much.
Northwind
Thanks Hilary and
Posted on: 08/26/2010 11:33
Thanks Hilary and crazyheart.
I posted this in the Church Life thread because this is where I believe he will look. I would like to add that he knows my personal e-mail and other ways to contact me if he wants to address this to my face and sort it out.
Northwind
Thanks Gord. That is what I
Posted on: 08/26/2010 11:44
Thanks Gord. That is what I was trying to do. Are you going to Prebystery? I will be there.
GordW
See you there! Patty and
Posted on: 08/26/2010 11:53
See you there! Patty and baby are coming too.
Northwind
Oh cool. I look forward to
Posted on: 08/26/2010 12:12
Oh cool. I look forward to meeting you! Will you be on the bus?
Hilary
GordW wrote: AS I read the
Posted on: 08/26/2010 12:23
AS I read the OP Northwind was not being accused of being a bully but of calling someone else a bully. Did that happen?
You're right. That's what I intended to say.
I don't recall Northwind accusing anyone of bullying.
GordW
Northwind wrote: Oh cool.
Posted on: 08/26/2010 12:32
Oh cool. I look forward to meeting you! Will you be on the bus?
That we will
Northwind
GordW wrote: AS I read the
Posted on: 08/26/2010 14:54
AS I read the OP Northwind was not being accused of being a bully but of calling someone else a bully. Did that happen? Well we can not control how others will read our words. When a relationship is breaking down (which NW did discuss) emotions can get strong and my memory is that NW was trying to deal with the emotions whil walking the fine line of not saying too much.
My husband and I were friends of this man. We enjoyed his friendship a lot. We enjoyed chats in the restaurant near the church on Saturdays at noon. My husband golfed with him daily in the summer. We solved all the problems of the world together. It was a fun friendship. Then he became very angry at us very suddenly. It was rather mindblowing, and very hurtful. Some things were very fixable because they were based on misunderstandings, or small infractions. I would have happliy apologized for any wrongs I had done. Now things have broken down to the point where I feel I am owed an apology and also some good friends are owed an apology. I believe the congregation is owed an apology. Sadly, I saw another side of this man's character and one I had not expected to see. Perhaps he could say the same of me. I do not know because he would not speak with me directly. I had agreed to speak with him with one or two specific people who would have supported each of us. I was not willing to meet with him alone, mostly because of how I was feeling at the time, and my reactions to what was happening.
As I have previously said, I would have left this congregation if he had not left. That would have been a very very difficult decision. My church community helped me to settle into this town. I love the people in the church. I also do not know what other church I would attend in this community.
I just wish the blaming and lies would stop. But, the bottom line is, it is time to move on. I am moving on and will do fine. I am glad he has moved on and hope he finds peace and grace.
Burchy
Hello Northwind, I happened
Posted on: 08/30/2010 16:18
Hello Northwind,
I happened across your posts and tried to follow the sequence of events based on what I was reading.
Unless I am mistaken, it sounds as if someone read an e-mail intended for another person and took it upon him/herself to forward it to you. Much the same as opening another person's mail I would think and an invasion of privacy.
Now if all he/she did was to read it and forget it, then that would be one thing but you have to wonder at his/her motives by sending it to you. Sounds like they wanted to keep the flames of your feelings fanned.
Letting go can be such a lengthy process as one tries to sort out one's feelings. It sounds as if you are well on your way and I will take it as an indication that you are if you don't respond to this post.
Northwind
Hi Burchy, no, the person was
Posted on: 08/30/2010 18:25
Hi Burchy, no, the person was not trying to fan my flames. They had permission to access the other person's e-mail, and I believe permission to pass the information on to me. They did not forward the e-mail to me, they spoke to me in person. We discussed this, and I told the person who I was in here, and invited them to check my posts. I believe the person who checked with me was acting in an appropriate manner. Also, this person does have a knowledge of the history involved on a bigger scale. I can't say more for a variety of reasons.
I mentioned that it was not the original recipient who passed the information on to me because I did not want that person to catch any flack in this situation.