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Exe

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BOY CRAZY 10 year old girls

We have friends that have a 10 year old daughter that I can only describe as "boy crazy." This is not new.... she has been for many years. She talks endlessly about boys, does her hair and makeup for boys and dresses for boys. She has already had numerous "boy friends" and is allowed to go alone to the movies, go to dances and spend all hours on the phone with her boy friend. Ultimately, the way other people raise their children is other people's affairs.

The challenge though is that we also have an 11 year old daughter in the same grade, and our families spend much time together. When we go to visit, the girls will go to her room and come back out dressed most innapropriately and want to do things like "do a play about dating a boy" or do a cheerleeding skit "about boys." I have overheard this little girl scheming with my daughter (my daughter always confides with us after anyways) "to tell your parents this and that so that we can sneek down the street and hang out with the boys." Tonight my daughter was asked by this little girl to join her at a dance at the community centre because, "there will be lots of boys there."

I am not a conservative prude and really am not one of those dad's that looks only at other people's kids at the oversight of their own... yet this really is not my daughter at other times.... gawd she still regularly plays with Barbie dolls. I am not trying to resist the inevitable... we just feel that there is time forr that later and encourage her to enjoy being a young girl.

Though I would never challenege my friends on how they raise their children... I will speak up on how we will raise our own. I have told my girls (when they come out of this friend's bedroom in halter tops and short skirts) that "this is not age appropriate and not the way I would like my young daughterss to dress" and ask them to please go change. I will tell my daughter that I feel that 11 years old is still too young to be going to a public night time dance and that we will be more open to the idea when she is a bit older. I will allow my daughter to go to the movie with boys, but I expect there to be other children there and for now there should be at least one adult going with them.

The problem though is that our friends perceive our hesitations as a challenge to their parenting style and that we are too restrictive. They feel that their daughter would not be going to the dance alone if we would let our daughter go (we asked our daughter she is not interested in going). Are we old fashioned? Are we missing something. This really is not a morality issue for us, as much as it is about letting her simply be 11 while she can still be 11. Have other parents hit this??

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Exe's picture

Exe

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"I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party"

~Aqua

seeler's picture

seeler

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This reminds me of a situation my daughter was in as the younger of two girls whose parents spent a lot of time together. From the time she was a pre-schooler this other girl's parents teased her about 'boy friends', and seemed to encourage flirting behaviour (with dad, uncles, male friends of the parents). She also loved to dance and entertain. In elementary school she was dressing inappropriately, wearing lipstick and earrings. Pregnant at 15, married at 16, divorced before she was 25.
For many years we had to try to discourage our daughter from emulating her behaviour. "Don't be silly - he's not a 'boy friend' but a friend who happens to be a boy'. "You can wear that blouse that she gave you in the backyard but not to school - its not suitable." "No you can't hang out at McDonalds with your friends." "When you are a teenager you can go to the teen dances at the church - not before." we were mean parents who didn't want our little girl to grow up. And yes, the little girl's mother indicated that 'You take everything so seriously - its all in fun."
Then when the girls were in their mid-teens we moved to another province. This girl still seemed to remain glamourous in my daughter's mind. Then ten years later she came to visit and spend a week with my daughter and son.
"Mom, it's so embarrassing! We took her out and introduced her to our friends and she acted like a boy-crazy teenager."
My advice - just hang in ther and continue to try to instill your values to your child - and encourage her to be a little girl for awhile longer.

crazyheart's picture

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Exe, this is so hard for parents. yes, I think 10 is too young for all of this but as seeler says you are not being mean and over protective but I think it will become a bigger problem if you give in to the other parents and their daughter.

Sometimes, and I hate to say this not knowing how close you are to the other family, but it might be wise to take a little step back from their company so that your daughter does not see so much of this precocious 10 year old. Because, I would think if she is like this at 10 by the time she is 13 , you will be facing other dilemmas for your daughter.

No answers but I feel your worry.

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lastpointe

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I agree that she is way too young to be going on dates, dances.....

Dressing up? well if it was part of just dressing up for fun then I think that would be something that 10/11 year olds do. but dressing up to go meet guys? no.

Teens hang in groups. My 17 year old was out last night at a guys house with 4 girls and two guys. Watching a movie. Tonight she'll be home ( one night out) but perhaps two or three kids will be here for a movie.

It sounds to me like the child is trying to be older that a teenager and I find it very strange.

Studies have shown a linkage to early sexual acting out with sexual assault. She sounds troubled to me and her parents need a reality check.

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Hi Exe,

I think the most important conversation to have with your daughter would be about cultivating friendships with boys in the same way as she does with girls.

I'd point out the attitude of approval seeking and dramatic "trickery" her friend is displaying as a sham, in terms your daughter can understand. It isn't too early to help her see through this game and coach her to be genuine. It's the most important guidance you'll give her, Exe...

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I have an eleven year old daughter as well ExE and I share your dilemma. This tends to be a tricky age. Some of my daughters friends have "boyfriends" as well and behave in ways that I think are a little too mature for grade six. I'm not sure if it's because my daughter has two brothers or what it is, but she is not in the least bit interested in boys.....or at least not more than friendship. Her brothers tease about one boy who has been her friend since she was a baby and I say "No, that's off limits." I think it is really important for them to develop friendships with both genders, before they start to entertain the notion of romance.

LBmuskoka's picture

LBmuskoka

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Exe so nice to see your words upon the screen....

This may be the feminist in me but I would be a little concerned with the whole scenario. My Steinem crystal ball predicts future trouble with body image and self esteem.

What about fostering more positive outlets for their high energy and imaginative minds. Some YWCA chapters offer great programmes for girls that build positive self esteem and peer relationships in a fun and stimulating way that speaks to them. Sometimes a new direction is all it takes.

LB
Taught from infancy that beauty is woman's sceptre, the mind shapes itself to the body, and roaming round its gilt cage, only seeks to adorn its prison.
Mary Wollstonecraft

Birthstone's picture

Birthstone

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My daughter is 13, and she's like your daughter. She's around some girls who are boy-crazy, but she has many friends who aren't. It think it is an ok balance to have, but you should check in with her on it sometimes.

Don't we all remember being a tween? I remember grade 6, knowing some kids were kissing, knowing about crushes & stuff. I remember knowing I wasn't there yet, even if some people were.

The only thing I would worry about is how much pressure your daughter feels to catch up. If she hangs out with the boy-crazy friends once in awhile, then it is ok (best if no boys around!). If its regular pressure to keep up with them, that is much more worriesome.
We've made rules that our kids need to hang out with different kids regularly, and keep up with their activities so as to reduce the impact of any one person. I'm crossing my fingers that it works. At the same time, I'm glad she's exposed gradually to other ways of doing things - better that than a sudden slam-dunk when she is not prepared.

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carolla

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So interesting Exe - I especially appreciate your closing comments about just enjoying being 11.

I have a friend who is with the Canadian Safe Schools Network & she's working on a project at the moment about the 'sexualization of childhood'. Where does all this come from - eg how come little kids are getting dressed up in clothing styles once reserved for adults - the behaviours can't be far behind. We've lost some (?) of the distinction of childhood as a discrete (and important!) developmental stage - some kids are seen just as mini-adults.

I agree with the wise posters who've written above. Teaching that ability to be discerning about others behviours is a lifelong challenge, and a great gift.

Tyson's picture

Tyson

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Exe said:"The problem though is that our friends perceive our hesitations as a challenge to their parenting style and that we are too restrictive."

Tell them to mind their own damn business (politely of course). Tell them that their daughters behaviour goes against your parenting style and that they are too loose with theirs. If they see your hesitaitions as a challenge to their parenting style, perhaps they lack confidence. Why would they feel threatend?

stardust's picture

stardust

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Hi Exe

As you may know my 11 year old grandson lives with us.
I feel that the public school must be encouraging sex
and early boy girl relations. Seriously!
They had a grade six grad. ceremony.
One p.m. prior to the ceremony the school held a dance
designed to teach the boys and girls how to slow dance
together. One teacher was helping them out re positions
in slow dancing.
The boys also had to ask a girl to be their girlfriend and
dance with them.

I attended the grad. ceremony and I was really surprised
to see how developed and mature the grade 6 girls are.
The school sent a note home to parents requesting
no short mini skirts or low cut tops at the grad. ceremony.
I haven't been around the school much like I used to be
when my grandson was younger so I didn't know.

My grandson has had about 3 girlfriends already but no
dating alone. They went to a movie in a group once.
He's on facebook and MSN messenger. I've been peeking.
They write stuff suitable for about age 16 or adults on there.
Its all about how to please girls, understand them etc.
lots of it is
the same material as we read in women's magazines
re relations between the sexes.

We have the one computer in the living room.
It has big print for my eye sight problems.
My grandson doesn't want anyone to see what he's doing.
He found a way to beat me by buying a lap top
with very tiny print altho' its O.K. he has his own re his
games and music.

In grade 7 he's in an all boys class at school this year.
I don't think he has a girlfriend now.
He seemed to have a thing about having girl friends so
he wouldn't be gay. The boys must talk amongst themselves
because this isn't a topic at all in our house.
His father sees him for about an hour once a month.
I've no idea what his influence might be.

This is too long. See next post!

stardust's picture

stardust

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Exe - continued

I only have the one daughter who finished high school in '85-'86.
Well...I had a few really rough years with her.
She began what she called "going round" with a boy in grade 7-8.
It seemed to start off as a school thing meaning this was a school
custom. It branched out so that she was going by bicycle to his
house at night and coming home alone at 11 p.m.
I freaked out. She was very stubborn and obnoxious; wouldn't
listen to me. I phoned the boys Mom who didn't care or worry.
It was a puppy love thing and it ended after a few weeks; no consequences.
Then she had another steady boyfriend and went on serious dates with him
in grade 9; another one in grade X until she met a boy in grade 11.
(I was so scared I let her take the pill)
She dated him for 9 years until they married; now separated 6 yrs.

I'll never forget it. I let her have a grade 8 birthday party at our place;
boys and girls.
It was at night and her father and I stayed clear in the bedroom.
We set up music for dancing, food etc. a regular party I thought.
They didn't dance. They didn't eat. They turned off all the lights,
sat in the pitch dark and practiced necking....lol. They were going
in and out of the bathroom too. I sent them all packing and my daughter
was crying and took off with a girlfriend. I had no clue when I set up
the party.

That was 1985 before everyone had computers and MSN messenger etc.
Lots of kids have MSN and the girls talk about "I love so-and-so. I can't wait to see him" etc. "Do you think he likes me?"...."Will you tell him?"
It seems the girls are much more into the love stuff than the boys are.
They are 11-12 years old going on 16 today.
I'm really not sure there's much you can do about it but you can
sure try. I talked and talked. My daughter's grades went down and
I sent her to a guidance counsellor at school.
My sister had 3 girls and she forbid dating and boys until they
finished high school. It was a bad idea because they had no boy
experience and they all went nuts and made poor choices later.
Its a no win situation.

Sorry I have no answers because we live in a society where
sex is king. 10 yr. old girls have rock star idols who are rather
trashy. TV is full of sex 24/7 as is the music the kids are listening to.
I don't recommend locking your daughter up.
You might try to keep her busy with sports, clubs etc.
Good Luck!

P.S. We aren't practicing church Christians.
My daughter went to Sunday School until she was 10.
She has/had good morals but didn't think there was
anything wrong with early sex. No guilt feelings.
It was all just fine. I'm married with the one life (sex )partner
for 46 years .
I don't rant too much do I ?

:)

stardust's picture

stardust

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Exe

I just reread your first post.
I think my daughter was 14 (not sure now) before she
went to the movies, parties etc. with a boy or even
in a group. Maybe they will neck at the movies?
Those parents you speak about are crazy....absolutely!
You may have to lose their friendship to protect your
daughter. It doesn't sound very good to me.
We watch enough talk shows with babies having babies.
I'd be scared half to death....age 11 !
I know my grandson,11, has set up plans to meet a girl
outside in the yard etc. but from what I sneak to read on
his MSN the girl made excuses and didn't show up.
Parent trouble I presume.
I've told him he doesn't need girlfriends at this age.
But...the kids are sneaky like you say and he's prob.
learned not to tell us everything he's doing.

Beloved's picture

Beloved

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Greetings!

Raising teenagers . . . whew . . . glad I'm done with that. Sincere compassion with your 10 year old daughter and what you need to do as parents to protect her, prepare her, support her, teach her, and love her.

Remind her that you are always there to be the "heavy" when peers want her to do something she knows she should not do or does not want to do. For example if she is phoning because a friend asked her to sleepover (or whatever the situation might be) you could ask her (without the friend hearing) if it was something she really wanted to do. If her answer is no, then you could be the "heavy" and say no she can't sleepover - that let's her off the hook.

She is your precious child, and I agree with stardust in that you may have to risk your friendship to do what is right for your daughter and your homelife.

Hope, peace, joy, love,
Beloved

The_Omnissiah's picture

The_Omnissiah

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This is a subject that I'm very passionate about, and I think i'll take the time to fully respond (even though it's almost one in the morning).

"As you may know my 11 year old grandson lives with us.
I feel that the public school must be encouraging sex
and early boy girl relations. Seriously!
They had a grade six grad. ceremony."

FIrst off, let me say this...that is rediculous! A grade 6 grade? Honestly...and I though grade 9 grades were bad! There earlier on grades degrade the meaning and appreciation for your Actual graduation...Not to mention, the sooner people start thinking about finding dates to these things...the worse off they will be in the age to relationship ratio.

"One p.m. prior to the ceremony the school held a dance
designed to teach the boys and girls how to slow dance
together. One teacher was helping them out re positions
in slow dancing.
The boys also had to ask a girl to be their girlfriend and
dance with them."

I don't think a school should be fostering such behavoir. They need to sit down an descide where they stand on things like that. Times change and this is a modern issue, if it concerns you or others you should bring it up.

Events like this just add to the pressure to have a bf/gf, which is not good at this age.

"I attended the grad. ceremony and I was really surprised
to see how developed and mature the grade 6 girls are.
The school sent a note home to parents requesting
no short mini skirts or low cut tops at the grad. ceremony.
I haven't been around the school much like I used to be
when my grandson was younger so I didn't know."

I'm pleased to hear that they prevented children from wearing those monstrosities. One of the most sickening things in the world to me (aside from human suffering and cruelty) is little kids in slutty clothing!!!!

"My grandson has had about 3 girlfriends already but no
dating alone. They went to a movie in a group once.
He's on facebook and MSN messenger. I've been peeking.
They write stuff suitable for about age 16 or adults on there.
Its all about how to please girls, understand them etc.
lots of it is
the same material as we read in women's magazines
re relations between the sexes."

He had 3 gf's by the time he was 11? Even if your not dating alone thats...different. Or perhaps (unfortunately) thats the very antithesis, and is perfectly accepted in modern society.

I didn't have a Gameboy until my BROTHER was 11...(i'm 4 years older than him). Why in the heck people let their 11 yr old kids on facebook and the likes it beyond me. It will only make them less greatful, more impatient, and more spoiled.

The content of their conversations sounds quite scary. Definately things an 11 yr old should not have interest in, let alone be discussing...

"We have the one computer in the living room.
It has big print for my eye sight problems.
My grandson doesn't want anyone to see what he's doing.
He found a way to beat me by buying a lap top
with very tiny print altho' its O.K. he has his own re his
games and music."

How in the name of Allah, the almighty and merciful, did a kid in grade 7 (or perhaps 6 if he bought it earlier) afford to buy his own laptop?? Please do not say with allowance...

I wouldn't let my 7th grade kid get a laptop...what is he going to use it for? Chatting, listening to music, emailing. Definately not for school. If he wants to listen to music, i'd let him use the family one, just give him his own profile. BUt honestly, at 11 you shouldn't already be sucked into the impersonal world of "live chat". He should be out there at parks talking to kids face to face.

"In grade 7 he's in an all boys class at school this year.
I don't think he has a girlfriend now.
He seemed to have a thing about having girl friends so
he wouldn't be gay. The boys must talk amongst themselves
because this isn't a topic at all in our house.
His father sees him for about an hour once a month.
I've no idea what his influence might be."

Wow, l'o how society has failed in it's raising of the children of the earth! Worrying about being gay in grade 7!!!! What is this world coming to!?!
I honestly don't know what to say to this. Not much you can do I suppose, I mean, you can't have a sitdown (that would be awkward, and what would you say?)...

"I only have the one daughter who finished high school in '85-'86.
Well...I had a few really rough years with her.
She began what she called "going round" with a boy in grade 7-8."

'going around' is only 5 letters away from sleeping around...

"It seemed to start off as a school thing meaning this was a school
custom. It branched out so that she was going by bicycle to his
house at night and coming home alone at 11 p.m."

That shouldn't be acceptable for a 7th-8th grader. I'm only now (in grade 12) being allowed to basically stay out till whenever, and thats due to years of good faith with my parents. I respect them an their rules, I understand the need for them, and I sure as hell don't want to end up like some of the scum society is secreting nowadays.

"I freaked out. She was very stubborn and obnoxious; wouldn't
listen to me. I phoned the boys Mom who didn't care or worry.
It was a puppy love thing and it ended after a few weeks; no consequences."

If my parents talk to me I take it seriously, as should any child. People just need to raise their kids better (i'm not saying you did a bad job, I mean in general). Being slightly more authoritative when they are younger will save you a hell of a lot of trouble later on in life.

It's sad to think the boy's mom didn't take it seriously, even if nothing became of it.

"Then she had another steady boyfriend and went on serious dates with him
in grade 9; another one in grade X until she met a boy in grade 11.
(I was so scared I let her take the pill)
She dated him for 9 years until they married; now separated 6 yrs."

By X I assume you mean ten? The pill back then? ouch, I suppose people just can't "keep to themselves" nowadays if you get my drift.

A sad ending. My sympathies.

"I'll never forget it. I let her have a grade 8 birthday party at our place;
boys and girls.
It was at night and her father and I stayed clear in the bedroom.
We set up music for dancing, food etc. a regular party I thought.
They didn't dance. They didn't eat. They turned off all the lights,
sat in the pitch dark and practiced necking....lol. They were going
in and out of the bathroom too. I sent them all packing and my daughter
was crying and took off with a girlfriend. I had no clue when I set up
the party."

It was probably hard but you did the right think in breaking that up. It's actions by people like you that helps make out world a better place! Less prostitots is a good things...

"That was 1985 before everyone had computers and MSN messenger etc.
Lots of kids have MSN and the girls talk about "I love so-and-so. I can't wait to see him" etc. "Do you think he likes me?"...."Will you tell him?"
It seems the girls are much more into the love stuff than the boys are.
They are 11-12 years old going on 16 today."

A sad product of the times.

The_Omnissiah's picture

The_Omnissiah

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"I'm really not sure there's much you can do about it but you can
sure try. I talked and talked. My daughter's grades went down and
I sent her to a guidance counsellor at school.
My sister had 3 girls and she forbid dating and boys until they
finished high school. It was a bad idea because they had no boy
experience and they all went nuts and made poor choices later.
Its a no win situation."

You probably saved a lot of trouble for your daughter with your sending her to a councellor.

Unfortunately you can't fully restict children, you have to let them date, just not in grade 6 or something rediculous like that.

The extremes of the spectum end only in pain.

"Sorry I have no answers because we live in a society where
sex is king. 10 yr. old girls have rock star idols who are rather
trashy. TV is full of sex 24/7 as is the music the kids are listening to.
I don't recommend locking your daughter up.
You might try to keep her busy with sports, clubs etc.
Good Luck!"

Media today is rather dispicable. It's one of the prime reasons for all these problems. But as I said, you can only shelter them so much before it becomes detrimental.

Sports and clubs are a very good idea. Perhaps letting them have a job earlier on to gain responsability and take up time? Also, get them into a hobby, be it painting, fishing, teach them how to play the bagpipes...whatever.

"P.S. We aren't practicing church Christians.
My daughter went to Sunday School until she was 10.
She has/had good morals but didn't think there was
anything wrong with early sex. No guilt feelings.
It was all just fine. I'm married with the one life (sex )partner
for 46 years .
I don't rant too much do I ?"

Morals are only as good as the guilt that comes when you break with them. Obviously she is a product of our guiltless society.

The good thing is your NOT :D

And now, for something completely different...

"This reminds me of a situation my daughter was in as the younger of two girls whose parents spent a lot of time together. From the time she was a pre-schooler this other girl's parents teased her about 'boy friends', and seemed to encourage flirting behaviour (with dad, uncles, male friends of the parents). She also loved to dance and entertain. In elementary school she was dressing inappropriately, wearing lipstick and earrings. Pregnant at 15, married at 16, divorced before she was 25. "

A prime example of what can happen. Please, people, take this to heart, don't forget it.

As Salaam Alaiykum
-Omni

P.S. I mean no offense I might have accidentally caused.

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Birthstone

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Hi all,

Omni- I think you raise some good points - maybe pointedly, but it is all sensible.

I think what will work for us is making sure that our daughter & son get tons of exposure to lots of activities, normal family life, and friends too so that they continue to be immersed in a world that is reasonable. I think problems come up when kids get sucked into being around friends all the time, or on tv or on the net so that they're understanding of the world gets skewed. They see consumerism, sexism, & living it up as normal.
Exe, your daughter will likely learn from this friend some confidence in talking to boys as the subject continues to come up, but also has her as a comparison point for other parts of her life. If you keep talking (see my thread on tweens & smoking), she will be better able to compare her life, your life & her friend's lives and find her own way through it.

We can't shelter them, and rules need to be carefully thought out or we risk that boomerang effect when they totally reject our guidance. (Been there done that myself) But we can be a safe haven for feeling good, calm, comfortable & loved. And then we cross our fingers.

stardust's picture

stardust

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(Sorry Exe. off topic. I felt I had to respond to Omni)

Omni !

Gosh, thanks for taking the time to reply so late at night.
I understand exactly where you're coming from and what
you're saying. If I'm correct I think you were/are raised in a strict
Muslim home?
I was raised until age 10 by my grandmother in a strict Christian
home. It was in a little country village where most of the people
were Christian.
It was back in the 40's before TV and computers for sure.
We had radio but kids couldn't turn it on...lol...rules.
It was farm life in the country living close to nature and it
was a tight knit community where neighbors cared for each
other.
I can't compare it to life in a big sprawling city like Toronto
where people don't even know their neighbors.

You know Omni in some ways it was like living in our Old
Testament bible days about 5000 years ago!
Community rules were so strict you were sure to be looked
down on if you stepped out of line and didn't obey.
I can't say it was bad but the biggest downside to it was that
I lived in fear and fear of dying and going to hell.
When I was about six I recall a church sermon about hell
and I didn't sleep all night for fear of it.

My own creativity as a child was totally stifled and smothered.
In my grandma's house the Sabbath was kept sort of like the
Jewish Sabbath. We weren't allowed to do anything.
Physical punishment was also in vogue and praised.
My grandma was a good person in her own way.
She had had a very difficult life growing up.
Imagine it! She was born in the 1800's in poverty.
She had seen most of
her own family including her twin sister, age 19, die at home of TB
which was a raging disease with no cure back then.
Complaining wasn't allowed. You had to be grateful for a piece
of bread and molasses and a place to sleep.
It was almost like life in today's third world.
We all had one Sunday dress for church.
Looking in the mirror was a sin.....reading novels was a sin....
music was a sin...dancing was a sin...I could go on and on.

I came to Toronto alone to work at age 17.
Man O man, I felt I had stepped out of some time machine
into another world...lol. I missed nature, missed riding my horse
over the green fields, missed my little frog pond, missed my fire flies
from the swamp, missed the woods, the little rambling brook,
the river, picking blueberries and wild strawberries....oh so many things.
Toronto was a big concrete jungle composed of strangers.
But Omni....oh how I loved it !
Multicultural; multi religions; meeting people from all over the world.
I had died and gone to the seventh heaven.
Of course I didn't leave Jesus behind.
He came along and he liked Toronto too....laugh!
We lived happily ever after !!!!

stardust's picture

stardust

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Omni

My rants are too long so I'll shorten this one up.
My grandson hasn't had his first kiss yet or even
holding hands. I think its a lot of talk among the boys
wanting to pretend they're all grown up already.

We were having computer problems so his mom
wanted him to have his own. The kids have had
computer classes in school from about grade 2;
mostly playing games. Most of the kids have computers
and they use them for school projects, printing pics. etc.
It isn't all bad. They have fun on MSN messenger and they
are learning communication and social skills as well as
vocabulary, spelling etc. They have ipods and they
download music. We live in a modern age of technology.

Gays? Yes,I tell him all the time he shouldn't talk badly about
gays. He has had sex education classes at school. Perhaps
this is when the boys began to think about gays. I don't know.

Re my daughter I think it often happens that when we ourselves
have been raised too strict we're inclined to go in the opposite
direction. It was very important to me that she be allowed to
have freedom and freedom of expression as well as creativity.
She had a happy childhood and she has grown into becoming
a mature responsible adult. After all, she dated the same boy
for 9 years and was married to him for seven. She married
into a somewhat orthodox Jewish family from Morocco.
She could never accept the lifestyle and the family didn't
welcome or accept her. They wanted their kids to marry Jews.
She did convert to Reform Judiasm but it just didn't work out.
Since she separated 6 years ago she has a Can. non practicing
Christian boyfriend and she's been happy.

Looking back and remembering her happy life growing up
I don't think I would change my parenting style.
She worked part time in high school; didn't mess up too
badly or get into drugs. She was always classified as being
a mature student by the school. She does have morals.
I do regret that she didn't choose to go to college.
She chose to work in the banking field for some years
as I did myself.

My grandson ! Yes, he's a little devil. I pray a lot.
He sees his Jewish side of the family, celebrates the holidays,
and has just returned
from a three week trip to Israel with his grandfather.
I think he stayed in the settlements except for sightseeing
in and around Jerusalem.
Well...his opinion ? They are all stark raving crazy ...lol.
At the wailing wall the men pray for you and want money.
The religious men are all over Israel and they pray 24/7,
at the airport or anywhere they can find a wall.
He says Israel is all about war and money!
He is never going back. He doesn't want to be Jewish and
he tells everyone he's Christian; plans on changing his name.
Seriously I've never talked badly to him about the Jews or
Israel. I'm not anti semitic. We practice Hannakah here.
So...this is his own judgments he's forming.
He can't ever talk to his grandfather because his grandfather
prays 24/7 even when he visits him alone.

Isn't it odd Omni that I have a strict Christian background
and my daughter married into a strict Orthodox Jewish
family? Genes or what?

End of rant. No offence intended towards the Jewish community.
The remarks made are the thoughts of an eleven year old boy.

Sorry again Exe. for putting the thread off topic somewhat.
I like Omni. I know her from the F and R thread.

((((((((((((((((((((((Omni))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

stardust's picture

stardust

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Omni

I just checked your profile.

I thought you were a she, sorry.
I also had no idea you are so very young.
I don't suppose there is such a word as
"orthodox "muslim which you appear to be.
I have met what I would call middle of the road
or non extremist muslims. Some have been my neighbors.
Very fine people.
I don't agree with the beliefs of the extremist muslims
or anything along the lines of orthodox religions.
They strike fear into my heart!

But...lets not get off topic. We need a new thread
in F and R for such a discussion.

P.S. My grandson plays in a softball league.
He also plays tennis, football, and soccer; loves hockey.
He has many friends of all religions and nationalities.
He isn't sitting at the computer or Xbox 24/7.
Sorry if I gave the wrong impression.

southpaw's picture

southpaw

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We had the opposite problem. Both of our sons were tall for their age, and when our younger son was 11 (and almost six feet tall), teenage girls were chasing him. At the risk of sounding chauvinistic, he was what we use to call a "babe magnet". Two sixteen years old girls were pursuing him simultaneously, and we had to tell them he was only eleven; they couldn't believe it. He never actively encouraged these girls, but I caught one of them 'doing him' in our house when he was still underage. This same girl persuaded him, at 16, to quit school and move in with her. Of course, that didn't last and they broke up (thank God, she was a druggie). Now that he's in his 20's, he's moved to another province, and his flipping hormones have calmed down a bit, he's been in more responsible relationships. I'm glad he never got anyone pregnant. I want grandchildren, but not in that manner. Any girl who wants to get my son pregnant has to marry him first ;-).

Twinkle_Toes's picture

Twinkle_Toes

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Stardust, At my elementary school when I was in about grade seven at one of our dances the teachers were pairing up the girls with the boys and forcing us to dance together even if we didn't want to dance with anybody. If the teacher turned around we would stop and walk away so the teacher would put us back together. I was shocked that they were doing that and none of us were comfterable with it. So your grandsons school( was it your grandson? I'm sorry I don't remember) Isn't the only one like that. Just thought you might want to know.

Twinkle_Toes's picture

Twinkle_Toes

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Oh and this was a public school as well. Grade K-8.

stardust's picture

stardust

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Twinkletoes and southpaw

The WC is acting up lately. I post replies and lose them. Annoying.

Thanks twinkletoes. It must be part of the school's sex ed. program.
Its ridiculous. Yes, I know a gr. V11 girl from another school who
went to the school dance. She had a crush on a boy who wouldn't
dance with her. She came home and cried all night.
Its just too young. The school's shouldn't be pushing sex !

southpaw : What a scary time you had. Not funny.

The teen girls come on to our swimming pool lifeguard,
univ. student, like a pack of wolves. He can't pay attention
to his job. He tries to ignore them.
Its always the girls who are love struck so young.
Is it the nesting motherly instinct or what ?
It was just on TV where some school girls made a pact among
themselves to get pregnant.
Re the sexes it sounds like society is going backwards.

The_Omnissiah's picture

The_Omnissiah

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"If I'm correct I think you were/are raised in a strict
Muslim home? "

Actually, my family consists of two devil younger girls, a meh (albeit very respectful and enthusiastic) brother, and two skeptical, yet slowly accepting parents.

My mother is a layperson. My farther is a christian on easter service and sometimes christmas too...

"We were having computer problems so his mom
wanted him to have his own. The kids have had
computer classes in school from about grade 2;
mostly playing games. Most of the kids have computers
and they use them for school projects, printing pics. etc.
It isn't all bad. They have fun on MSN messenger and they
are learning communication and social skills as well as
vocabulary, spelling etc. They have ipods and they
download music. We live in a modern age of technology."

That makes more sense, I thought (unfortunately, but default) that he was one of those kids that just gets whatever they want (no offense intended!).

I have no problem with little kids with ipods, music is always good! (Although some is kinda questionable).

And I find that MSN doesn't really help with inter-personal skills. You sometimes get lured into saying things you really shouldn't because it's easy and it's the internet. Also, when you actually do talk to ppl in real life you get nervous because you no longer have endless tracts of time to formulate responses and you have to actually face them (and possibly others).

Although thats a bad case example. I'm sure there are many benefits (some of which you've stated).

Just my experience.

"But Omni....oh how I loved it !
Multicultural; multi religions; meeting people from all over the world.
I had died and gone to the seventh heaven.
Of course I didn't leave Jesus behind.
He came along and he liked Toronto too....laugh!
We lived happily ever after !!!!"

I'm very happy for you! I've recently experienced the same thing. I've lived in Hay River NWT for basically my whole life, with the occational visit to edmonton et cetera. But only ever for a week, and usually we stayed at the farm. It was never enough time for it to sink in. But this summer I spent the whole two months down south at camp/edmonton. I met so many people, and had so many great experiences! I began to truely appreciate the awesomeness of modern society. And jsut recently I went up to Yellowknife (capital of NWT) and I was like "wow...this is lame". Yikes! It's effecting me already!!! (There are advantages to being "sheltered").

I maintained my beliefs and outlook but I just experienced more of what the world has to offer. I'm still deciding, and when I move to edmonton or calgary or somewhere after highschool I will be able to give you a better response!

"my daughter I think it often happens that when we ourselves
have been raised too strict we're inclined to go in the opposite
direction. "

I've done kind of the opposite. I've lived in a world where everything is an option, where you can do/buy anything, there are basically no bounderies. I've also seen how this has led to a lot of the evil in the world, and have shaped my life in a MORE consticting fashion (zomg eh?).

I always was a weird, and unappreciated person....(My grade 5 science project was on anti-matter...I didn't win shit, and gave up on science...DAMN YOU SCIENCE FAIR!!!!).

"It was very important to me that she be allowed to
have freedom and freedom of expression as well as creativity.
She had a happy childhood and she has grown into becoming
a mature responsible adult. After all, she dated the same boy
for 9 years and was married to him for seven. She married
into a somewhat orthodox Jewish family from Morocco.
She could never accept the lifestyle and the family didn't
welcome or accept her. They wanted their kids to marry Jews.
She did convert to Reform Judiasm but it just didn't work out.
Since she separated 6 years ago she has a Can. non practicing
Christian boyfriend and she's been happy."

Freedom of expression is wonderful! (Although I still retain that some people shouldn't be allowed to express themselves...lol).

I'm glad she has good morals and commitment. Converting for a spouse is a big move, and a great show of faith and devotion.

I'm sorry but I got the wrong impression originally, I thought it was the classic "married young, a few miserable years, then a breakup".

I'm sorry again, I only think this way because...well...i'm kinda pessimistic sometimes, especially when I see this kinda thing lots.

"My grandson ! Yes, he's a little devil. I pray a lot.
He sees his Jewish side of the family, celebrates the holidays,
and has just returned
from a three week trip to Israel with his grandfather.
I think he stayed in the settlements except for sightseeing
in and around Jerusalem."

It's good to see your allowing your child to explore things for himself :) a grand experience that must have been!

"Well...his opinion ? They are all stark raving crazy ...lol.
At the wailing wall the men pray for you and want money."

IMHO that is stereotypical jewishness...(I'M HORRIBLY SORRY, I MEAN NO OFFENSE!)...

On a lighter note, my brother once commented that it must be really annoying for the muslims on the other side of the wall trying to pray to have all the jews on the other side wailing away....LOL!!!

"The religious men are all over Israel and they pray 24/7,
at the airport or anywhere they can find a wall.
He says Israel is all about war and money!"

How unbridled the mind of a child is! Perhaps we need such comments, for nowadays everyone is so affraid to offend, the sometimes don't speak the truth.
(Please, I'm really not anti-semetic, i'm jsut saying...).

"He is never going back. He doesn't want to be Jewish and
he tells everyone he's Christian; plans on changing his name.
Seriously I've never talked badly to him about the Jews or
Israel. I'm not anti semitic. We practice Hannakah here.
So...this is his own judgments he's forming.
He can't ever talk to his grandfather because his grandfather
prays 24/7 even when he visits him alone."

Well, it's the child's preogative I suppose :)

"Sorry again Exe. for putting the thread off topic somewhat.
I like Omni. I know her from the F and R thread."

Aww, someone likes me!! ;D (even if they ARE gender confused!).

"I just checked your profile.

I thought you were a she, sorry.
I also had no idea you are so very young.
I don't suppose there is such a word as
"orthodox "muslim which you appear to be.
I have met what I would call middle of the road
or non extremist muslims. Some have been my neighbors.
Very fine people.
I don't agree with the beliefs of the extremist muslims
or anything along the lines of orthodox religions.
They strike fear into my heart!"

It's ok, thats the first time that's happened...I don't know if I should be flattered...or...idk lol.

I'm young, but wise beyond my years (I I dare be so audacious). Please don't treat me any differently :)

Technically Islam is the apitome of orthodoxy... But thats not to say that Islamic Orthodoxy is extreme! The curse of Allah be upon those extremists! How dare they call themselves Muslims!

Ugh, thats a rant for a different time. (and it's not directed at you :) ).

I'm a "middle of the road" muslim, because I think I know what your talking about. I try to conform to the principles of HIjab, and kindness in Islam, I pray 5 times a day, I don't eat pork, et cetera... I do not threaten to execute people because they insult my religion. I get mad yes, and sometimes think about it (haven't we all?) but no. To harm or threaten to harm for such a thing is un-Islamic.

And honestly, people around the world aren't doing well for themselves, they are just egging on Muslims (*danish cartoons* cough*).

Sorry, my rant was acting up again.

I can see how orthodoxy would scare you, a lot of bad things have been done in the name of orthodoxy. Luckily (in the less violent and ignorant parts of the world) there is little violence between the factions of Islam. Another thing to note is that there are only two main factions. Wish some sub factions that really don't differ.

"But...lets not get off topic. "

...Too late :D

"We need a new thread
in F and R for such a discussion."

Definately!! I look forward to your next contributation!

As Salaam Alaiykum!
-Omni

Birthstone's picture

Birthstone

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Omni - I enjoy your posts and your confidence! I will say that when I look back at being 17, I often cringe & roll my eyes, but I laugh too.
You're doing pretty well at this parenting stuff for not even being out of high school. Just rememeber that it never works out ideologically, but this pre-planning & eyes open stuff is helpful. I watched tons of Roseanne before my kids were born, and her down-to-earth, goofy love for her family has never left my mind. How cheesy is that?!!

Keep it up, leave room to rethink things, but I'm glad you're here!

stardust's picture

stardust

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Good Morning Omni !

Gosh, thanks for the long rant. You're a super person which I know
you are or I wouldn't have bothered to reply.
I see a bright future and wonderful adventures ahead for you.
Google picks up every word from the WC so our mini biographies
are going round the world.....lol.
Communication on the net is hard. The net is fast. Its like it says
"Hurry,hurry,hurry" and the other rule is "keep it short"......lol...
so its no wonder if we get confused. Still and all, we do quite well.

Since the WC is multicultural and multi religions its very sensitive
re particular criticism of any one group, race,religion, or nationality.
Speaking on behalf of all Canadians we like the Muslims and
we feel very badly about the terrorist faction within that has given
the Muslim community so much bad publicity.
I'm glad you're joining with us on the WC.

I shouldn't have gotten into my grandson's thoughts re Israel.
He's a character. Stereotyping yes. He's Mr. Popularity. He has
many friends and he sure has no problem talking. We live in a basically
Jewish community. He has Hindu, Muslim, Jewish,Sikh, Atheist, and Christian
friends.

We've hijacked Exe's thread and he has run away!
Nice talking to you and hearing your views.

The_Omnissiah's picture

The_Omnissiah

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Thank YOU for manking it something i'm interested in responding too :)

And thank you for your kindness.

Sorry Exe...but hey, arent' tangents the spice of life?
:)

As Salaam Alaiykum
-Omni

Band's picture

Band

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The world of sexuality is something that your child can come into contact at any point in time through a million different ways. It sounds like you need to educate your child about this world a little earlier than you may expect or be comfortable. Don't let her go into these situations without the proper information. For her sake, arm her with the information to protect her self.

honey1's picture

honey1

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As an elem. teacher and parent of 15 yr old boy and 12 year old girl, I say, "limit the contact with her falsely mature friend slowly". Wouldn't it be very easy to do so if the other girl was offering your child liquor or worse? It's the same thing. Of course, anything that you deny always makes it more tempting. However, you are the adult and can pull the wool over a child's eyes quite easily. Ex: steer your daughter towards other interests, friends, hobbies, groups, etc. It will probably be difficult at first, but she will eventually accept some alternate activities if you persist. Remember - at this stage of their lives kids WANT us to be in control and make the decisions for them. They may not verbalize it, but the security you give when making the tough decisions while "being the one in charge" gives them a great deal of comfort. Plus, they can always use the excuse, "My Dad (Mom) won't let me!" Heck - we all know that parenting is the hardest job in the world, don't we? Take heart and follow your heart. You already feel it is wrong and you don't want your daughter to be seeing this kind of model of girlhood. You have every right , and the responsibility, to make some tough decisions. Go for it - protect her. She'll thank you for it!

diana322's picture

diana322

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I found at this age, it was really helpful to provide my daughter with a journal especially writtern with prompts for girls this age. It helped her define herself by discovering her own opinion about what she liked and dreamed of. She found that she had a unique quality through answering these kinds of prompts in the journal, and that she was worth taking care of. She was never promiscuous, though she liked some boys. She didn't date until college. I think it was because she found value in herself through these tools, and didn't want to do things that were beyond her age appropriate group because that would be denying who she was at the time - she wasn't trying to grow up too soon. She was content with herself because she basically liked herself. She wasn't trying to define herself based on outer concepts, other people's ideas and the media. Of course, we did have lots of conversation as she discovered she had an opinion. This was great because she did reflect on why some people acted certain ways, why did she act in a certain manner - she was reflective because journal writing encourages this activity of observing and reflecting, questioning and discovering. Children who act outside their age appropriate group are trying to please someone else to feel valued. They are wearing a mask because they feel they are not good enough as themselves today, as they are.

greentea90's picture

greentea90

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I just turned 18 this year and I thought that I should let the worried parents here know that I definitely agree with their statements. (Even though I am still under parental care, myself<3) The issue of young girls being preoccupied with the opposite sex is starting to develop as the norm lately.

In all honesty, my parents had the same worries about me and my influential best friend. What my parents did resembles honey1 's tip. They constantly reminded me of the moral principles I was raised with. They all reminded me that focusing my attention on boys would mean less time for the childish things I still loved (such as my favourite cartoon shows, video games, etc.) Sure they restricted my freedom to a certain degree, and I admit that I was angry with them during those situations. However, I thank them with all my heart for making those difficult decisions. It's not easy challenging a teenager daughter who always fights back with "Ana's MOM is nice enough to let HER go to the party!"

 

It took me about 2 years of my elementary life and my first year in high school to learn to distinguish between friends who I consider to be positive influences  and the negative ones. But the more people you meet, the more you have to exercise this ability, right? So in making your decisions about your children, maybe going too easy on them might not benefit them. Remember to remind them your reasons for why you are setting limitations/restrictions to their freedom (as my parents always did). It makes it easier for us to refer back to those situations and realize the patterns for morality within them. After a little episode with my parents, I did a little self-reflecting when I was about 14 and nowadays, I'm not interested in dating and focused on studies. (After all, how could I afford to ignore all the other experiences life has to offer? Visiting every Disneyland for example~!)

 

Your daughter's current friend probably isn't her only boy-crazy one, nor will it be her last. It helps for them to make their own conclusions and decisions about who to hang out with. But we still depend on your voice in the back of our heads for guidance.

greentea90's picture

greentea90

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......But then again, I haven't raised any children myself. =) 

preecy's picture

preecy

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A couple thoughts.  One technology is not nessecarily a bad thing.  Younger and younger kids are learning and using it because it is a far more signirficant part of our lives.  I dint go to school that long ago but by grade 6 I was typing the odd assignment.  Also technology is how people communicate these days.  In order to stay connected with friends it becomes more and more nessecary.  Also of note children being regarded as little adults is hardly something new.  In fact the idea of childhood period is a relativly new (and beneficial IMHO) concept.  My best advice from my experience as a child is to be aguide, a support, an honest advisor and an example (very well and good but implementing them is difficult at best)

 

peace

 

Joel

hulmad's picture

hulmad

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ok i don't know if my opion counts at all seeing as i'm only 16 but come on man look your not being to hard on your daughter to say no your 10 years old there's no reason why you should care about boys and as for those other parents you should suggest that they have their head examined  singned Pyton

Twinkle_Toes's picture

Twinkle_Toes

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Welcome to wonder cafe hulmad!  I agree, it wouldn't be to hard on her to say your only ten you don't need to care about boys yet, but at the same time you need to be careful because she's probably either at or getting close to the age where she will only want what she can't have even more.

crazyheart's picture

crazyheart

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Welcome to all you young'uns. It is so good to hear from you. WHERE are you seeing the advertising for WonderCafe?

Twinkle_Toes's picture

Twinkle_Toes

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At my church

Athena's picture

Athena

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Exe:

Sounds to me like you have a great relationship with your daughter and that she still confides in you. I wonder what the "boy crazy" girl offers your daughter as far as friendship is concerned. What, if any other interests do they share?

I was never a boy crazy type, but I did have a few friends that sound alot like your daughter's friend (who did not end up pregnant young, nor fail to mature)

I was not one who was but I did have other interests in common with a few of the girls (sports, and reading), so I do not think you need to worry as much about the boy crazy girl...chances are she does have other interests...you could inquire with your daughter as to what those are and encourage those activities.

It seems to me that you think that the boy crazy girl is a bad influence, and maybe you think that is true, but her parents are not likely to share that view, and therefore, will perceive your actions ( or comments) that suggest she is, negatively. I think by encouraging the "not centered around boys" activities or interest that the 2 girls share will be recieved well by

1) your daughter - who seems to not have the same focus

2) boy crazy girl (good for her in the long run) 

and 3) her parents

UCCArchives's picture

UCCArchives

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I have a much younger sister who is more like an only child because of our age difference-when I left home for college she was only 9 and yes, a little boy crazy.  As she's gotten older and I've worried about her various friends and fretted about how she would survive high school, I started talking to her a couple of years ago about feminism and what it means to have self-respect -she is now 14 and I am proud to say one of the most amazing 14 year olds around. I now feel she will make so many better choices than I did in high school because I was boy-crazy and had no self-esteem, as I figure most young girls do. 

It sounds like you're not concerned about your daughter but just at the parents getting upset at your perceived criticism of their parenting.  I don't see any way to avoid that -you do whatever you need to to encourage your daughter to respect herself and let her know she can avoid this friend if she is encouraged to do something she's not comfortable with (without judging the girl for it).  If her parents give you a hard time, simply explain that to them -it's not up to your daughter to be a chaperone substitute for them.  I realize you're good friends with them so this is touchy, but honestly if they're good friends why can't honest discussion take place?

I'd also add that I wondered myself at how drastically different young women tend to act, I'm in my 20s but it's amazing how much it has changed!  This hyper-sexualization of youth is a little scary, when I read this book over the summer, it explained a LOT of things for me, I highly recommend it to young women, adults AND young men (because young men are also trapped in constructs of 'masculinity' they feel they must adhere to) "Female Chauvanist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture" by Ariel Levy . Suggest to your friends they pick it up and explain some of it to their daughter so they can understand this might not just be a harmless phase but part of a disturbing cultural trend that is targeting young women.

Melbatross7's picture

Melbatross7

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Don't give one inch on being "old fashioned ". There are times when being unsure of an end result should raise our caution. Sexuality today is THE trap of our young children both boys and girls. They need to be older to have a developed level of maturity to deal with the emotional result of sexuality. God states that sex is for marriage for very good reasons - if enjoyed without restriction it will destroy the ability of the individual to develop proper character. There are many things needing  development before the serious dating that leads to a life partner. Those who become promiscuous early never find a soul mate-I believe it to be a punishment.

alice_11's picture

alice_11

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Hi,  im a teenager right now...
I remember having a "boy friend" in grade 6 and trust me it wasn't what you think it was. Most the was was once a kiss on the cheek... all the parents out there-- RELAX.
them going to a movie together dosent mean anything!
But i do think you should watch over your daughter, don;t let the other girl influence her too much. they are maturing and just trying to have some fun. so relaz nothing is going to happen yo your precious darling :)

 

nannyann's picture

nannyann

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     It is hard to see what appears to be a trend of kids getting into dating and more, earlier and earlier.  My eldest granddaughter is 13 and has friends who have had boyfriends since they were 11.  My granddaughter talks about boys but thankfully seems just to have a large group of friends - male and female - no requests so far to date.  My daughter, 33, is one of the most vigilant parents of  the lot.  She is one of the few who calls someone's parents to ensure that the plans the girls have made are legitimate, that there will be adults there, etc.  There have been a couple of group campouts and sleepovers that were supposed to have included boys. Needless to say, she wasn't permitted to attend.  I spend a lot of time with her as well and my daughter and I are on the same page about all this.  Consistency between parents and grandparents on these issues is very important.  I agree wholeheartedly that kids should be allowed to be kids as long as possible.  You are an adult, with all its challenges and responsibilities, for a very, very long time.  Talk with your children about the media (all forms) and how they present pre-teens and teens in ways which are suggestive and promote a type of psuedo-maturity that most kids are not emotionally ready for.  Times are changing, but strong values and critical thinking never go out of style.  I commend you on being a concerned and responsible father. 

 

The_Omnissiah's picture

The_Omnissiah

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crazyheart wrote:

Welcome to all you young'uns. It is so good to hear from you. WHERE are you seeing the advertising for WonderCafe?

 

This is a little bit slow in coming but...

 

Macleans!!  Best magazine...ever :P

 

Assalaam Alaiykum

-Omni

Birthstone's picture

Birthstone

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Lots of new folks here!

About 20 years ago, some girls had boyfriends at 11, and were boy crazy too.  I don't think much has changed in this regard in 20 years, except maybe the availability of drugs and the increased openness of sex in music videos/lyrics etc. 
I liked Athena's comment about finding out what other interests that girl has, and seeing how those can be nurtured.  In another thread, I talked about baking cookies with my daughter & her one questionable friend - what a great afternoon we had, no boys hardly mentioned at all.  Sometimes things can be steered differently, at least to round out experiences & focus.

Lovin_Life's picture

Lovin_Life

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Hi.

 

Are you kidding me? Why is everyone so worked up about this? Exe, take it from someone who knows. I'm a 12 year old girl and it is very typical to be into boys at this age. You threw around the term 'boy-crazy' and I don't think that's a good representation of what those girls are. It's perfectly normal to hear all this "I like _____, he's soo cute!" and "I wonder if he likes me back.". What I think alot of people think is that boys lead to dates, leading to kissing, leading to sex, but it isn't like that! What you as the parent, needs to understand is that this a normal part of growing up and you have to give your daughter some freedom. Let her go see a movie with a boy, and maybe a couple friends? You need to realize that she is growing up and that boys are just part of the process.

 

Trust me on this one,

 

Lovin_Life

Lucylu's picture

Lucylu

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Please listen to your daughter . She is telling you that she does not want to go.In other words she knows she is not really ready for this. dressing up and pretending is fine but she doesn't want to do the real thing. I may be over 46 but I remember being her age and not ready for boys and my friends were! This is where you step in and take that responsability and descision out of her hands and tell the other parents too bad MY daughter's well being comes first. Trust me your daughter and maybe their daughter (if you have enough impact on her) will thank you when they grow up. And no you are not too old fashioned. That other family is going to or is already having a lot of problems. Offer to bring their daughter to your church.She needs to see that there is more to life than boys!A piece of normality and God will stay with her for along time.

evensong's picture

evensong

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I am a grandmother of various-aged grand daughters.  I wish my 11 year old one were near yours.  Last month when she was here she completely dressed up as a cowboy, borrowed boots from an uncle, hat from grandpa, bandana from me, etc. and went around for 4 days playing cowboy--she bought guns and holster from the dollar store on Main Street in Stettler.  Her younger sister at 10 is more into boys,  but she too can play as real children for hours at a go.  I fight the urge to obey their legal guardians and make them act like their class mates so they can fit in better.  I am a firm believer in letting children age gracefully, delaying that departure from "boy and girl land cuz once you pass it's borders, you can never return again."

preecy's picture

preecy

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There have been some hints at the increased sexuality of our day and age but at the same time I think that a large proportion of the scary sex numbers are simply more accurate and honest surveying.  Also the numbers also seem to indicate that kids are being more responsible in regards to sex and teen-pregnancy.

 

Peace

 

Joel

jlin's picture

jlin

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Macleans!!  Best magazine...ever :P

 

Assalaam Alaiykum

-Omni

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gag peuk-  oops sorry that was a reflex   projectile vomit: couldn't be helped. 

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