Pastor_Owen's picture

Pastor_Owen

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Should parents charge their child Room and Board?

My wife and I have four children - age 16-21 years. The oldest is our son, who is the 21 year old. While he was away in college/university, we did not charge room and board. (He boarded at home.) We felt that we should support him, since he was paying for his own education. The oldest child has now completed his program/degree, and is still living at home with us. He has a full-time job, and it seems that he has more funds than we do. I have returned to full time study (for the past 3 years studying theology) and my wife works part-time. Our funds are rather limited, and it has been tight. My wife and I have been discussing charging room and board, since it seems that our son spends his money on whatever he desires. Should we charge him room and board? Yes or no? What is a fair rate, if yes? Any input would be appreciated.

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Crystal's picture

Crystal

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Owen, I think you are well within your rights to charge your son room and board if he is no longer going to school and is working full time. He's an adult now, and needs to be treated as such. What you might want to consider, to soften the blow would be to give him a timeline. Point out that he is a productive member of society now, and as such should be responsible for supporting himself primarily. Let him know that you are going to be charging him rent and board, and the exact amount that it will be, then I would suggest giving him two months before it kicks in. That way, he can consider the pros and cons of continuing to live with the family versus getting a place of his own. I imagine that room and board would be an equitable amount (perhaps research similar room and board options available in the community), so he can decide if he wants to pay less and have the support of his family and lack of privacy that goes with it, or he could pay more and have the freedom of his own place. By giving a two month warning you give him the time to do the research and save for a deposit if he decides to move out. Hope this helps.

busymom's picture

busymom

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I lived with my parents for a short time after college. ( I say short, perhaps they would say a long time....it was 3 months) I paid board. It wasn't a huge amount, but it was a fair amount given my wage at the time. My mom did my laundry (I know, I was spoiled) and made my meals. It only seemed right that i would pay board. I believe I paid $50/week. (That was 18 years ago however) Man, could it really be that long ago???? Wow! I'm depressed.

Anyway, yes, it is fair for a child to pay room and board when they are working full time. I wouldn't say so for your kids who are still in high school.

cjms's picture

cjms

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Absolutely! - especially as your adult child is earning money. I'm surprised that he hasn't offered to do so already. I didn't live with my family after I left for university but I know that my husband did for awhile before we were married and he paid room & board. As a matter of fact, when he dropped out of HS at age 16, he got a job and his parents started charging these fees. It taught him how to manage his money. When he went back to pre-u and university, he was able to manage his financial affairs with ease.

Cathi

lastpointe's picture

lastpointe

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I think that anyone who is working full time and living in your house should be charged room and board ( rent) the same as they would whereever theylived.

I agree that a discussion around rent charges, chore expectations..... is needed.

It is possible that he plans to live with you for 3 or 4 months to save for an apartment and that may be acceptable to you but other than that , charge him.

We are getting back to the sort of intergenerational living groups that our parents had. Mom and dad, their aging parents, their adult children and younger siblings. Finances are tough for many people but back then everyone contributed to the wellbeing of the group so they should now too.

Until my grandmother died when I was 3 my father contributed monthly to her upkeep ( she lived with an uncle) By the time she died my parents had been married for 15 years yet still supported her.

Serena's picture

Serena

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I would not charge IF your child has student loan payments. But only as long as he is at least making double payments. If he is squandering his money on take-out and grown up toys (computers) I would charge him. But two months notice would be fair.

Pastor_Owen's picture

Pastor_Owen

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Thanks for the insightful advice! Our son is planning on staying with us another year, and move out when he gets married. He does minimal amounts of expected chores around the house (empties dishwasher twice a week, when he is here to do it.) He does his own laundry. We love our child, but at the same time feel that we are being used as a "resource center" in which he continually draws from without contributing financially. I was thinking that $50/wk was fair. I agree that he needs to have a reality check now as to what "real-life" is all about, especially since he is getting married and will realize that he will need to support himself fully.

sighsnootles's picture

sighsnootles

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i think that you are doing him a huge disservice by NOT charging him room and board.

when i was in university, my parents didn't charge me, but during the summers when i was working they did... $300 per month. that was back in the early 90s, so i'd suggest that you should be charging him somewhere in the $350 - $400 range AT LEAST.

otherwise you are going to really have a problem on your hands when he moves out on his own and has no clue how to manage his finances to make sure that he has his monthly bills paid off first, before he starts taking out money for recreational stuff.

mrsanteater's picture

mrsanteater

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You are not only doing him a disservice, but also the partner he is marrying. If it isn't too late, make sure he still gets some training in as to how to clean regularly and especially how to SEE THE WORK. His future partner will thank you.

musicsooths's picture

musicsooths

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definitely he needs to understand that the world doesn't owe him a living. My son is 20 and works full time when he gets paid he hands me 30 % of his gross pay to cover room and board. The rest is for him to spend. When you look at it where can you get a place for 30 % of a persons wages. plus have someone cook and clean for you.

revjohn's picture

revjohn

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Owen,

Hi,

You wrote:

The oldest child has now completed his program/degree, and is still living at home with us. He has a full-time job, and it seems that he has more funds than we do.

The be reasonable. As long as he lives at home he is consuming familial resources. He is now in a position to contribute to those very same consumable resources. Discuss it and see what he thinks of the idea.

If he is completely cold to the idea ask him to price out what it would cost him to live in a similar arrangement and suggest he work on paying that.

If he is okay with contributing make sure that you use his portion to actually pay the bills.

And, if his contirbution is generous in that regard you could always open a trust fund and contribute to it a portion of his contribution then when he finally fledges you can give it to him to help pay rent or put a downpayment on a house or whatever.

My wife has already explained to our three who are mid-teens and younger that living at home past university/college is an option. Contributing to household expenses is not.

I'm okay with that.

Before long I'm going to stop asking for help shovelling the walk and start commanding that it be shovelled. The same goes for mowing the lawn.

Grace and peace to you.

John

lastpointe's picture

lastpointe

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I think we boomers do a huge disservice to our kids when we do everything for them. We want to shelter them, care for them, give them opportunities....

But we need to remember that they need to be productive contributers to the home, family and society.

Pastor_Owen's picture

Pastor_Owen

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I like the idea of getting him to price out living on his own, so that he can realize that we are not being unreasonable. As well, it would open his eyes wide open to the fact that we are giving him a sweet deal.

I did speak to him about the issue, and he was upset and thought the whole issue was unfair. That was a couple of months ago while he was still in school.

He has spoken to his friends, and apparently none of his friends pay board at all. Could it be that there are a lot of parents out there that don't promote this? I think not. I really think that he is just trying to get out of it by using the old guilt tactic.

If he were banking all his funds towards his future, I might think otherwise, but I don't think so even then. I believe, as parents, we need to introduce our kids to the real world. I paid room and board. I never even questioned it at all.

I spoke again to him this evening, and once again he thought that I was being unfair: "I'm getting married in a year Dad! I have to save every penny towards that."

I told him I'm giving him two weeks notice, after that, I expect $35.00 every week. I know that it's extremely minimal, and that it should really be more than that.

Tabitha's picture

Tabitha

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My kids know that they can live here free during school, after schooling it's room and board.

I'd probably charge him $400 a month and consider giving him 1/2 back as a wedding present.

I'd also increase his chores at home. Is there 1 night a week he could cook supper? (your future daughter-in-law will thank-you)

You are not being unfair he is being unreasonable!

revjohn's picture

revjohn

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Owen,

Hi,

You wrote:

I told him I'm giving him two weeks notice, after that, I expect $35.00 every week. I know that it's extremely minimal, and that it should really be more than that.

You are such a softie! :)

I hope he is doing some of the chores around the house at least.

Shovelling the walk. Mowing the lawn. Washing the windows. Doing his own laundry. That sort of thing.

And if he has to save everything for the wedding where does he plan on living with his spouse once that savings disappears in a cloud of confetti and outrageously priced floral displays?

Maybe you better start getting the room ready for him and his spouse?

Unless they will be moving in with her folks.

Grace and peace to you.

John

HoldenCaulfield's picture

HoldenCaulfield

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It sounds like the family could use the money Owen, I think it really comes down to that. If you are in school and your wife is working part-time it would be hard to justify your son not providing some assistance to help out.

For me it would depend on the circumstances. I'm not a big room and board supporter if it isn't required, but practical considerations are necessary.

Holden

seeler's picture

seeler

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If I remember right when my daughter and granddaughter lived with me I charged something like $300 a month - that included two rooms, meals for both, household privileges, and child care part of the time. She looked after her daughter when she was home, did their laundry, helped with the cooking and cleaning. She was aware that she wasn't paying anything near the going rate, and would have paid more, but she had limited income and was trying to save to make a life for herself and her daughter. I was glad to help out - however we needed the money and I think it was right and proper for her to share what she could of her expenses.

cjms's picture

cjms

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Owen - your son's attitude unnerves me more than a bit. He seems to be taking advantage of your good nature. The years before I got married I paid room and board - not to my parents but in another household as did my husband (at home). We managed and learned what it was to live within a budget. What does your son plan to do when he gets married? Does he expect you to pay his way then?

I apologize if I sound harsh; I'm feeling for you. Best of luck...c

kjoy's picture

kjoy

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I grew up absolutely knowing that I if I was living at home and not in school I would be paying room and board. My older brother is the only one who did it and he definitely paid. My kids already know it and they're not even in high school yet. I think it's a reasonable expectation and you should be charging your son more than $35/week. Who, exactly does he think this is unfair to? Certainly not to him. You need to help him grow up and live in the real world. If he wants to continue to live at home, he needs to contribute. That means doing an ADULT's share of the chores and paying something closer to market value for his living expenses. I doubt $35/week even covers what he eats, much less his share of electricity, heat, water. He's in for a big shock when he moves out and so is his spouse. Stop feeling guilty! Start treating him like an ADULT!

rons's picture

rons

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About 25 years ago I moved back into my parent's home when I returned to my home town for a job. I paid $320 a month for food and laundry. I was glad to be able to contribute to my parents' wellbeing.

Serena's picture

Serena

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$35 per week is rather soft. I would go with $50. But I would give him more than two weeks notice to get used to the idea so that he has a chance to price out a suite, utilties, food, etc.

If you don't make him do some chores he is going to have a lot of problems with his new wife because he will expect her to clean up after him too.

Another thing you could do is charge him $400 and put $200 for him in a bank account. My brother did that with his son. When he finally moved out at the ripe old age of 29 my brother gave him around $10,000 to help with the downpayment on his first house. My nephew never knew.

carolla's picture

carolla

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Whoa - $35.00/week - I think my kids might be wanting to move in with you Owen! That's a deal for someone working full time! ;-)

I've heard the 'outrage' response too, and of course the fact that I'm the ONLY mean parent who would ever think of such a nasty thing as charging room & board - their friends loving parents would NEVER be that harsh!

Hang in there Owen - I think it's a life lesson to the kids; part of becoming an adult is paying your own way.

Crystal's picture

Crystal

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Hi Owen,
Based on the posts that I've been reading, it seems like most agree that you are being a bit of a soft touch with your son. I would love to know where you could possibly live for $140.00/month. I was living on my own up until 2 years ago, and considered myself incredibly lucky to have an apartment for $500, $50 for phone, $125 for food, and $25 for laundry - and I had to make my own meals and wash my own clothes. So, I was able to do it for roughly $700/mos in Winnipeg. Move to Calgary, Toronto or Vancouver and you could probably add another couple of hundred onto that. I think your son needs a wakeup call that there are life expenses after wedding expenses. By the way, I was able to save $2000 for my wedding over a year while working full time and paying all my own bills, so it can be done. My husband and I realized that there is life after the wedding and we got married for approximately $6000 (sit down reception for 100) I don't think you are being unreasonable, I think you would be doing your son a disservice if you didn't teach your son that being a grown-up means more than signing your name on a marriage certificate. Perhaps you should sit him down and let him read the posts on this discussion, and he won't think you are quite so unreasonable. PS - I would give him a two month warning and then charge no less than $400/mos.

Rolloffle's picture

Rolloffle

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Yes, or better yet get him to save his money for a down-payment on his own house.

cjms's picture

cjms

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Hey Owen, I have an idea. If he wants you to take care of him until he moves out, why don't you suggest that he give you all of his paycheque and then you can give him an allowance for personal use. For example, you could give him $35/wk as discretionary money with which he can do as he pleases. You can keep some of the remainder towards the costs of his room and board and pay any bills (such as student loans) that he may have and then save the rest for his wedding. Just out of interest, who is paying for the wedding? How extravagent will it be?

BTW, the argument that "none of the other kids' parents charge them" is obviously false as you are seeing here.

Good luck...c

SLJudds's picture

SLJudds

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A hundred bucks a week is fair for R&B if the kid is working. I would then secretly save it for his wedding/honeymoon. When my stepson squawked I told him "take it out of your beer budget - you'll barely notice it".
He stayed on a year longer than his mother. He's now a married father of 2 with an excellent work record.

The threat of eviction or paying board is also an incentive to stay in school.

Snowgirl's picture

Snowgirl

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I recall an episode of the Cosby Show years ago, where their son Theo was complaining about living at home, having to go to school, etc. He thought he would just "get a job and move out". His dad calculated his wage based on the type of job he would get with no education/experience, he then handed him this amount in Monopoly money. THEN, he took out taxes, rent, utilities, food, transportation and it left Theo with about $5. It was a good demonstration of the benefits of staying in school and not taking advantage of how good he really did have it at home.

For the record, I think $100/week is reasonable for "rent". Also, he should be contributing equally to the household chores. If you can afford to save some of the money in an account for him, then great. If you need the money to run the household, that's perfectly fine too.

lastpointe's picture

lastpointe

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When my son was in grade 7 they had a math project like that. THey had to decide on a career, choose a university and "graduate".

On monster.ca they had to find a real job in their field, with a posted salary.
Then they had to do a year long budget.

The task was to get them used to doing spread sheets but it was eye opeing.

They had to do three different budgets using different expenses.....

Apartments, transportation, ( soon learned in Toronto to live on the subway and forget the cost of the car), food, furnishings, clothes for work, entertainment, savings, vacations....

Each cost had to be documented with ads from papers or web sites with prices....

It was an amazing project. He learned he will need to save , buy cheap, get a room mate, live on the bus/subway line, pay off debt . And that was assuming he got a job in his field.

I wish all schools would do a project like this

Smote's picture

Smote

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My parents charged me 10% of my gross income when I lived at home for a few months between semesters. It felt COMPLETELY UNFAIR (insert stampy-footy noise here) but that was my age talking. They stuck to their guns. Without question it helped prepare me for post-school life.

curlysister's picture

curlysister

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It was always made clear to me that if I lived at home and was not going to school or university that I was expected to pay room/ board/ rent. From the time we were in grade school we were expected to do a 'clothing budget' for the year, figuring out how many pairs of pants, shirts, etc we'd need that year, and whether it was a year that we'd need something big like a winter coat or boots. We received an allowance when we were kids, but each had specific household tasks that we had to do.

In the end, my mom is the one who went away to University, and my sister and I lived in the house for two years. During that time, we paid all utilities, upkeep for the house, new hot water tank when it busted, etc. We didn't pay rent as well, because my mom felt that having us look after the house was fair exchange.

We learned to budget, manage money, how to pay bills, problem solving, etc etc which gave us a definate advantage over our friends who had no idea how to do these things when they left home.

Serena's picture

Serena

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Rolloffle said Yes, or better yet get him to save his money for a down-payment on his own house.

Speaking from personal experience young adults RARELY save money on their own. Not only do they not save money but according to statistics a large percentage are up to their ears in credit card debt. (I was one of them a few years ago)

IHMO NOT charging a young adult room and board leads to a sense of entitlement and poor money management skills.

Rolloffle's picture

Rolloffle

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Serena, you shouldn't judge people by their age.

Most people (regardless of their age) don't have a lot of money saved, and most people have a lot of credit card debt.

I'm only 16 and already I've got over $20,000 saved up from the royalties of some software I've written.

It's easier to save when you're young because you have little or no financial obligations, and it's even more rewarding because your money has longer to grow.

graeme's picture

graeme

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I would not charge room and board because it changes the relationship from family to business.

But I would most certainly make him pay.

From the time of my first job at age 14, I had to contribute at home. I got $12 a week, and was expected to chip in 10. It was made very clear to me this was not room and board. This was my contribution to the maintenance of the family.

That was a tradition in working class families for generations. Everyone made his or her contribution. It might be more or less than the real cost. But you were not a customer. You were a member of the family.

Look at what is needed. Look at his capacity to pay. And I would guess that at fifty a week he would be getting off far too cheaply.

graeme

lastpointe's picture

lastpointe

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That is a very good way of phrasing it Graeme.

it is how we phrase it to my kids regarding chores: everyone contributes to teh working of the household. It had never crossed my mind to phrase it that way to a working adult.

It also opens up the discussion to include the costs of running the home: taxes, utilities, food, mortgage.....

Pastor_Owen's picture

Pastor_Owen

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Graeme,

Words and how we use them are very important. It does sound rather "business" like when we say room and board. Thanks for that insight.

However we say it though, for many adult children today, it seems as though it doesn't matter what we call it; the net result is that money that is in their pocket is being transferred out - and they realize it.

My son, whom I have showed this dialogue to, is okay with paying the $35/wk. He realized that we were not being unfair or unjustified in requesting this amount.

graeme's picture

graeme

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I'll say it's not unfair. Five dollars a day, full use of a room, access to three meals, plus snacks and coffee refills, use of phone, laundry, heated. Cleaning and cooking services?

This is not only a sensational deal for him. it's still a money loser for you.

If he feels this is an imposition, let him go and rent his own place - and rent yours out to somebody who's willing to pay the going rate.

graeme

cjms's picture

cjms

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I'm glad to here that your son is seeing another side of the issue. That bodes well for his adult life. Good job, Owen...Cathi

MikePaterson's picture

MikePaterson

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For all sorts of reasons, it's not so quick and easy for young adults to become slf sufficient these days.

Our daughter and her daughter (6) have lived with us for several years since a marriage went down the gurgler. Our daughter's in the third-year of a 4-year BSc(Nursing) degree and doing well. On her own, it would be impossible to sustain. She would have a job, but not a fulfilling one. Her daughter would have nicer things, more toys, but not nearly the security or attention... her future could well be compromised too, and our daughter might feel the need to get into another relationship sooner that would be best for her.

She and our grand daughter both provide us with a lot of joy; we have the room (just), food and not a lot of needs. It's not an economic issue for us, it's a family issue. Why should they pay? It's not always convenient for us, but it's not always convenient for our daughter or grand daughter either. So, no, we don't charge her anything. She and our grand daughter are family. They "chip in" in various ways as they can. We appreciate that. And that goes for as long as we're able to keep the place going.

If our daughter wants to stay on for a while after she graduates, that's fine, for as long as she likes. When she finds it cramped and the food not as good as she can afford, she'll move on and we'll be sorry. But, when she graduates, we're not going to expect a share of her earnings, whether she stays with us or not. For all sorts of reasons she may very legitimately feel the need to spend her earnings on "whatever she likes" for a while: she's living cheaply enough right now and handling a lot of responsibilities admirably; we'll be delighted to see her stretch her financial wings a bit one day, and encourage her to have some fun. When the food here runs low, I'm sure she'll contribute to the food bills. If not, so be it. It's not our decision to make: we will simply continue to keep the door open.

Either way, it's a privilege.

cjms's picture

cjms

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Mike - I agree that it can be situation by situation. What I do disagree with is the notion of entitlement of a child to depend upon the parent when they can contribute....c

MikePaterson's picture

MikePaterson

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Why?

If your child grows into a meterialistic bounder, is he/she going to stick around at the wrinklies' place for longer than needs be? They can't deprive you of more than what they can eat/drink and sleep on unless you choose to throw money at them too (isn't all their entitlement anyway?). And in our household anywayt, "extraordinary" expenditures over $100 in a month (e.g. car repairs) tend to have an immediate effect on what's in the house to eat.

MikePaterson's picture

MikePaterson

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Why?

If your child grows into a meterialistic bounder with no family commitment, is he/she going to stick around at the wrinklies' place for longer than needs be? They can't deprive you of more than what they can eat/drink and sleep on unless you choose to throw money at them too (isn't all their entitlement anyway?). And in our household at least, "extraordinary" expenditures over $100 in a month (e.g. car repairs) tend to have an immediate knock-on effect in terms of what's in the house to eat.

metta's picture

metta

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Adult- full time job- I think he needs to be on a plan with a deadline to move out, never mind room and board.
His self esteem should be tied to that independant move and the comment that a child with student loans should live board free while working full time strikes me as entitlement from the wrong place of child/parent relationship.
Helping a child attain a first degree based on your family's ability yes but once they are done it is out of the nest and the relationship can morph into adult boundries with seperate residences....
They say Generation X has come to expect their parents will let them move back...why is this? Where is their pride- don't argue debt - I mean their life will always be about handling personal debt and lifestyle so can't we be healthy parents and set them free rather than wake up one day with a forty year old who has children and his own house still running to mom to bail out his debt.....

metta's picture

metta

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Last point
My son did the same project in grade 8 at his school- it was fantastic! I loved that teacher giving them a heads up on lifestyle and money and work.

Pastor_Owen's picture

Pastor_Owen

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Mike
It's admirable that you are helping your daughter and grandchild. It seems to be that parents today (for the most part?) want to be able to help their children out so much in order that they can have a better life than they did, but I wonder if this is a healthy choice. It seems that many children today just expect things to appear before them without any effort on their part - that they deserve it just for the fact that they want it - not need it.
Both my wife and I have told our children that while they are in school, we will allow them to stay at home and that they would not be expected to contribute to household expenses. Even if our income is tight, we want to be supportive. However, when they finish their education and are earning an income, they should be expected to contribute....this is real life. I think the greatest frustration occurs when we see our son spending his money on what we would call "toys" while we wonder how we are going to pay bills that are waiting to be paid.
Our circumstances with our son are different than with your daughter. He is now finished school and needs to learn from the school of life.
I think that many parents feel that they need to "rescue" their adult children from the struggles of life - for a number of reasons. Perhaps being able to do this makes them a hero in their eyes? In the long run, parents who rescue their children are not helpful. It reminds me of the saying about feeding a poorer community. Give a man and fish and you've fed him for the day, teach him how to fish and he eats for a lifetime. I've fed my child for 20+ years; now I want to teach him how to feed himself, and not to rely upon me for everything.

revjohn's picture

revjohn

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Owen,

Hi,

You wrote:

He realized that we were not being unfair or unjustified in requesting this amount.

Or, maybe he realized that many of your friends here were giving you advice to go bigger and he got out while the getting was good?

Heck if a car dealer suggested that he would sell me a Pontiac Solstice for $20.00 bucks because it seems reasonable. I'd sign the papers before Pontiac could tell him he was off his rocker.

At any rate, the two of you have come to an agreement and that is what you were looking for.

I hope it works out well for all parties.

Grace and peace to you.

John

nattie's picture

nattie

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Speaking from a wife's perspective, I believe that you should definitely help open your son's eyes a little to life beyond mommy and daddy's house. My husband also lived at home until we were married and even though financially he is very responsible (he is an accountant after all :)), I did feel as though he didn't really understand all of the other responsibilities of living on your own and caring for your own family.

You son should expect to at least pay rent for all of the things you do for him especially now that he has a full time job. How will he expect things to get done in his own house if he doesn't pull his weight now? Being a husband and possibly a father one day, he needs to understand that things don't just get done magically like they do at home.

As much as you don't want it to feel like a business transaction, treating the situation more seriously will open his eyes and benefit him and his future family, even if he doesn't like it now. No one ever said life was fair, but having loving and supportive parents like yourself has already given him a head start. That should not be taken for granted.

Good luck with this, and if he doesn't like $35/wk, tell him what you pay for a mortgage every month. :)

MikePaterson's picture

MikePaterson

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Hey RevJohn... here's a cautionary tale in view of your dubious ethics when it comes to buying a car: I knew a guy in Scotland who sold his BMW for £200 so his wife wouldn't get in in the divorce settlement. The judge assessed its value at £25,000 and he had to pay his wife £12,500. Cool ruling, I thought.

MikePaterson's picture

MikePaterson

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nattie and others: if you place a monetary values on what you do for each other in the family home, how on earth do you possibly afford it all?
I couldn't afford my wife or my daughter, and I doubt whether they could afford me "” I come highly qualified (if not overly helpful in a domestic sense). I suppose it helps and makes sense if you have no other reasons for sharing your home; if you do have other reasons for sharing, how do you estimate the right monetary discounts? Do the level of these discounts ever produce feelings of being undervalued? Do you have these costs and charges in writing? Did you get help from an accountant? Do you have disaggreements about relative monetary values? Isn't this a fairly complicated way to run a family?

LoveJoy's picture

LoveJoy

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We told our kids all the way through high school what was expected. That we would support them financially through ONE post-secondary degree. Our son got a second degree, and lived on his own. Our middle daughter does ballet contracts here there and everywhere in the world - and comes home from time to time for a short stay. Youngest is off soon to do her Masters and will live on the other side of the country.

Oh ya - what did we tell them? That room and board here is $2000/month. (They still believe us, I think.)

I guess my point is that we were firm about it long in advance. They were prepared for it.

nattie's picture

nattie

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MikePaterson,

Whew...after weaving my way through all of your questions I only have this response. I'm not saying there should be monetary values put on what we do as a family, but only that you can't be a kid forever. When you want to live your life as an adult, than you should expect to pay for the things you need and want, whether it is rent, toys, whatever. It's time to grow up and learn to support yourself if you are in a position to do so.

lastpointe's picture

lastpointe

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I do think that the scenario that Mike is in, divorced daughter and grandchild, is different than the recent grad with a full time job who is sponging.

I would support my child as Mike is if that situation occurs.

I would support a new grad for a couple of months too, if the purpose was to save for first and last months rent.....

If I was being used as free housing while my child was living the high life I would expect payment. Particularily if I was financially strapped and becoming more so because of that child.

however, I certainly didn't know my parents finances when I was at home. I actually thought they were pretty well off and was surprised as a adult how little they lived on ( and raised 4 kids and tithed) It is quite possible that a "sponging" child is unaware that money is tight.

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