lindsayspark
How/When Do You Know That He's the One?
Posted on: 07/22/2010 03:14
For all of you that are married, engaged or just in a very fulfilling long-term relationship how did you know that your partner was the one for you? Everyone says: "You'll just know," but how does that feel?
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somegirl
This is going to sound crazy,
Posted on: 07/22/2010 21:32
This is going to sound crazy, but it was my husband's smell. Maybe it was phermones, I don't know. We met at our old jobs. We hit it off right away and would spend breaks and lunch together. Then we started going for coffee before work. The place could get very stressful sometimes and I began to notice that if I was standing next to him and took a deep whiff, I would calm right down.
Rowan
My Mom once gave me the
Posted on: 07/22/2010 21:47
My Mom once gave me the advice that if I ever had to choose between two men one of whom I could talk to or another who made my heart go 'pit pat' she said to pick the one I could talk to. I got lucky and snagged a guy who meets both criteria.
Also there is something to the smell thing I think. I wear my hubby's shirts sometimes because I like the smell and I do find his scent calming and relaxing. It even helps make me feel better when I am in pain or depressed.
Azdgari
For me, it's hard to say.
Posted on: 07/22/2010 22:29
For me, it's hard to say. Kelly and I didn't start out with our hearts going "pit pat", as Rowan put it. We started out without much emotional involvement at all - just as good friends who happened to also have good sex. We decided to declare ourselves a couple about a month later, when it was clear that we weren't about to lose interest any time soon. Kelly "fell in love" first, a few months in, and I did about a month later. But it wasn't a dramatic change or anything - our feelings for each other, our comfort with each other, and our satisfaction with the prospect of sharing our lives, all just grew to the point where we called it "love". Five years later, we feel as strongly about our bond as ever.
That said, neither of us "knows" that the other is "The One". We've actually discussed the topic a few times - and we realize that life is full of changes, and that at some point we may not want to be together anymore, hard as it is to imagine right now. We look around, and realize that the world is full of relationships that have ended - many of them relationships in which one or both people "knew" that the other person was "The One". I don't think anyone truly has that knowledge.
lastpointe
I think as we see with teth
Posted on: 07/23/2010 09:04
I think as we see with teth divorce rate, it is pretty hard to know who is the "one" Everyone who gets married certainly thinks , at least on that day, that it will be forever. And many are wrong.
I think it more important to work at all aspects of your marriage and I agree that having a great friend as a spouse is really important.
footprints165
Aparently the first time my
Posted on: 07/23/2010 10:46
Aparently the first time my fiance saw my picture he told himself he'd marry me some day. Love at first sight I guess.
To me "you just know" means you are 100% totally at ease with the person you love, and this easiness is the foundation of your relationship - communication is effortless, you can be yourself without any fear of rejection, they bring you a sense of comfort and security, not only can you be but you want to be honnest all the time, and you can't imagine life without them. And most importantly, these are aspects of the relationship that never change, that go beyond the "honeymoon" stage of a romance, that solidify a genuine companionship that can last a lifetime because it is so sincere from the very beginning.
Mendalla
I think that once we made it
Posted on: 07/23/2010 10:53
I think that once we made it through our first summer together (we met in February as friends, then became an "item" in May) I was pretty sure that my wife was "the one". We were both students in the same faculty at University of Western Ontario that summer. It was rocky at the start, not because we fought but because there were various factors in the relationship that had both of us doubting its viability at times. I still sometimes think that it didn't really completely come together until 4 years later on the Saturday afternoon when we did the ring thing, but once she started spending holidays with my family (she was an immigrant with no family in Canada at that point) the Fall after we met I was pretty sure.
Mendalla
sighsnootles
i don't know if i ever knew
Posted on: 07/24/2010 08:07
i don't know if i ever knew that he was 'the one'... for all i know, 'the one' could still be out there somewhere.
when i look at what i thought i wanted in a partner, he fufills some of the criteria, and not so much on others...
the guy doesn't have a creative bone in his body. he doesn't know when i'm sad or angry until i get in his face and say 'HEY YOU!! I'M ANGRY!!' he doesn't know a thing about the star wars saga.
but when i look at our 23 years together as a couple, all i can say is that i just keep falling in love with him over and over and over... he is an amazing hockey player, and every time i watch him play i just WANT HIM... he does home renovations around here that i can't believe. he is an AMAZING father... the way that he parents our daughters is simply breathtaking when you consider that his father was very much a stone face. he loves all the foster kids that come to our door... watching him with a newborn?? it melts my heart.
i don't know if that makes any sense whatsoever. i kind of just go with the idea that the man i am married to is simply who he is... he has faults, of course, but those faults could very well be what kept him from finding a better wife than me.
Pilgrims Progress
How do you know if he's the
Posted on: 07/24/2010 17:47
How do you know if he's the one?
You don't when you fall in love - that's just the beginning.
Falling in love is an altered state - akin to madness. A lot of it has little to do with the other, but rather is a projection of your own thoughts on your perception of a suitable guy. (So IMO you can disregard falling in love when it comes to knowing if he's the one.)
You know if he's the one if you grow to love him. You know if you love him if his welfare is as important to you as your own. Your wish is for his growth as much as your own - and that involves allowing him freedom to pursue his own interests that perhaps you don't share - but you know mean a lot to him.
You know if he's the one when together you face adversity and it strengthens, rather than weakens, your bond.
kaythecurler
I agree with your words PP -
Posted on: 07/25/2010 17:25
I agree with your words PP - "You know if he's the one if you grow to love him. You know if you love him if his welfare is as important to you as your own. Your wish is for his growth as much as your own - and that involves allowing him freedom to pursue his own interests that perhaps you don't share - but you know mean a lot to him."
I would add - and he regards your welfare as important as his own. He too wishes for your ongoing, healthy growth and grants you enough freedom to be an individual.
Unless the caring is mutual one person will eventually lose the ability to continue to choose to love and nurture.
Pilgrims Progress
Agree wholeheartedly, Kay.
Posted on: 07/25/2010 17:49
Agree wholeheartedly, Kay.
Initially, I thought that was too obvious to state - but of course you're right, it definately needs to be said and understood.
(Whatever the type of relationship, there has to be mutual regard - like a plant it will wither and die if there isn't sufficient nourishment.)
jon71
sighsnootles wrote: i don't
Posted on: 07/26/2010 06:33
i don't know if i ever knew that he was 'the one'... for all i know, 'the one' could still be out there somewhere.
when i look at what i thought i wanted in a partner, he fufills some of the criteria, and not so much on others...
the guy doesn't have a creative bone in his body. he doesn't know when i'm sad or angry until i get in his face and say 'HEY YOU!! I'M ANGRY!!' he doesn't know a thing about the star wars saga.
but when i look at our 23 years together as a couple, all i can say is that i just keep falling in love with him over and over and over... he is an amazing hockey player, and every time i watch him play i just WANT HIM... he does home renovations around here that i can't believe. he is an AMAZING father... the way that he parents our daughters is simply breathtaking when you consider that his father was very much a stone face. he loves all the foster kids that come to our door... watching him with a newborn?? it melts my heart.
i don't know if that makes any sense whatsoever. i kind of just go with the idea that the man i am married to is simply who he is... he has faults, of course, but those faults could very well be what kept him from finding a better wife than me.
Sounds like he's a winner on all the big stuff.
More-than-a-Sparrow
I am well aware that I'm just
Posted on: 08/18/2010 01:12
I am well aware that I'm just a teenager and that every young girl thinks that she's in love...
But hey- my mom was dating my dad when she was younger than me- and they are still married and happy. As well as my grandparents.
I don't think that I've ever used the phrase "the one" in describing the person that I'm involved with, but for me, the reasons I love him are a number of things that I have noticed and learned to appreciate over a couple years of friendship before we decided to date.
Friends have told me that when I'm with him, I light up. One of the first things my dad said about him was that he likes the way he looks at me when I come into a room. He's selfless, hard working, respectful, responsible, a strong christian, humble, assertive, he sticks up for me, he's protective, easy to talk to, compassionate...the list goes on. I could literally gush for hours.
The most important thing about him is that he inspires me to uplift and constantly work on my relationship with God.
My attachment to him is inexplicable. My heart just always kind of feels like it's overflowing when I'm with him. He takes away my stress. He knows all my crazy moods and flaws. He can tell when something's wrong. And I'll never ever understand why or how but he is crazy about me and so gentle towards me and it just...makes me feel beautiful.
And I am absolutely confident that we are going to last a very, very long time.
jon71
More-than-a-Sparrow wrote: I
Posted on: 08/18/2010 05:28
I am well aware that I'm just a teenager and that every young girl thinks that she's in love...
But hey- my mom was dating my dad when she was younger than me- and they are still married and happy. As well as my grandparents.
I don't think that I've ever used the phrase "the one" in describing the person that I'm involved with, but for me, the reasons I love him are a number of things that I have noticed and learned to appreciate over a couple years of friendship before we decided to date.
Friends have told me that when I'm with him, I light up. One of the first things my dad said about him was that he likes the way he looks at me when I come into a room. He's selfless, hard working, respectful, responsible, a strong christian, humble, assertive, he sticks up for me, he's protective, easy to talk to, compassionate...the list goes on. I could literally gush for hours.
The most important thing about him is that he inspires me to uplift and constantly work on my relationship with God.
My attachment to him is inexplicable. My heart just always kind of feels like it's overflowing when I'm with him. He takes away my stress. He knows all my crazy moods and flaws. He can tell when something's wrong. And I'll never ever understand why or how but he is crazy about me and so gentle towards me and it just...makes me feel beautiful.
And I am absolutely confident that we are going to last a very, very long time.
I hope you do Sparrow. He sounds like a great guy and I wish you two well.