Sorry to hear about this she_devil.  Yes, your coffee cup should be fine to drink from, after a good hot run through the dishwasher.  Relationship, on the other hand, needs a bit more than that.   Hopefully the two of you can work things out.  Stressful time for sure, waiting for baby and feeling disrespected.  My thoughts are with you.  (And if you're on bedrest ... stop trekking up & down the stairs!!)

He may have made a mistake, but you went over board by kicking him out, since when is a coffee cup worth more than a human being?

Forgive me for derailing momentarily...with one of my children when I was on bedrest, after 3 weeks, a couple days before christmas, I decided that it would be ok to go out with my SIL to  the grocery store to pick up a couple of items for stockings or something.  And naturally, who do I meet...my ob/gyn!!!  Man, did I catch it for that!...cms

You can't change anyone except yourself and when we do that for some reason it causes others to change too.

It's never about the coffee cup. In this case it's about her feeling disrespected and unloved.

So very sorry to read about this she_devil.

bingo!

sorry to hear about the troubles and the bed rest she_devil.  sending hugs and prayers your way.  take care of yourself and especially that baby :)

 This time I have to agree with Jesouhaite.  I recall you planning this baby with the "best" of the two guys you were seeing.  AS I recall this guy was not necessarily even the father, just the one you wanted to be the father.

Firstly a few things about bed rest.

It means bed rest!.  It means getting up only for the bathroom and sometimes not even that.  You certainly did not need a maternity blouse.  YOu are in bed, in your night gown.  I assume you are on bedrest for a reason.  Perhaps high blood pressure.  perhaps incompetent cervix........  But it doesn't mean get up and get dressed and it certainly doesn't mean go downstairs.

What you say about this man certainly makes him sound like a selffish chaaracter but he is the designated father of your baby and will therefore be in your life forever.  

I suggest you figure out how to do marriage counselling from bed and get on it right away.  In all honesty, I think you over reacted to his not washing a cup.  I realise it was most like the final straw but you have an obligation to your child to get things figured out with her father asap.

As to your mother in law.  She doesn't like you.  Perhaps she was suspicious of her son's father hood.  Perhaps she sees you as manipulative.  You certainly succesfully manipulated him into marrying you.  But he offered to have her come and help you.  That was an opportunity for you to get to know her better and for her to know you better.

You have some serious work to do about rebuilding your marrriage

out of all the Posts , I hope you take heed to RevMatts the most

.

I do not know you or your spouse. There are always many sides and perspectives.

Do you both understand what bedrest means and why it might be considered medically necessary? Do you understand what it is meant to avoid and how not avoiding it can result in unfavourable outcomes?

If you are on bedrest, as an outsider, I wonder why you are are going downstairs.

I also wonder how he can think you are or will be doing the housework if you obviously are not, unless he does think that a housekeeper or his mom will eventually come do it. Is there any housework you have done, even if  it was "just because I could not stand it" that leads him to think there is some housework you can do?

If bedrest is to keep blood pressure low, prevent early onset of labour.... a week of fighting (and that usually takes two) is NOT rest.

Perhaps a trip to talk with the doctor would benefit both of you.

You apparently are not vacuuming or loading the dishwasher. I would not think vacuuming was even a remote possiblility for you to do. I would, as your spouse perhaps be confused as to why if I saw you or knew you get up and walk and stand (ie the trip downstairs) and then washing the cup ...why you could not load the dishwasher. I am not an insentive lout, but I would need it explained to me. If it is not something you are to be doing, then I could stop you or I could not think "well, it is ok". In silence, I would make assumptions that may be right and may be way off base.

Not being able "to stand" a partners parent(s) or a parental opposition to the marriage screams "couples counselling" with or without a bedrest and without a who will be cleaning this mess discussion.

I am not fond of my wife's family, but they are ultimately her family. I respect that they are and she respects that they are not my family and are not among my favourite people. It means like any person one likes and the other is not so fond of... there is compromise. They are not invited without me being consulted (I can be busy that day if I know I cannot take it that day). They do not get asked to stay longer or overnight without me initiating the invite (only I will know when I have had enough, after all, she is used to them).

The language like "final straw",  "that is that"  and you moved into "MY house"  and "pack your bags and leave" does not indicate, to me, a partnership of equals who reach compromises and who discuss without ultimatums and threats. Where did you think he would go when you asked him to leave?

I get that the cup is special and it may also feel that he does not care or is not concerned or that he is selfish, etc. I will tell you the best sentence ever given to us for our marriage - "feelings are not facts". You may feel how you do, 100%  and it be very real... and he may care deeply, be very concerned and doing what he thinks is best or wise. He may not see that you are doing more than you were told to do. He may not see that you feel he is not doing his fair share... that you feel he does not care about you ro the baby. You also may not see that he might have suggested his mother to save money for you and the baby.

You also may be very emotional right now and not mean he does not help with anything or wrecks precious things. Then again, like I said, I do not know how the marriage was before.

I would be concerned any time and every time either member of a relationship stormed out or was asked to leave. I would grow more concerned with each passing hour they were gone.

Ultimately, only you and him know if you want the relationship to continue or end.  If you both want it to end, you are doing well then being in separate homes. If you want it to continue, you are not doing so well.

I hope that you both figure out what you want and how to get it in a healthy way.

She_Devil, I'm sorry to hear about all of this. I do not think that you over-reacted or that you deserve to be dumped on because your husband is not being very supportive. It's good to hear that your husband's mother isn't willing to let him get away with his behaviour and that she realizes what his responsibilities to you are.

Your situation sounds very similar to my life of about 24 years ago, except that my late mother-in-law was very dysfunctional and she was a pro at manipulating her kids (including my husband). Our marriage didn't survive his lack of support or is mother's negative influence but, it was after 3 kids that I knew I couldn't be married to him one more day.

I hope you figure out what you need to do for you and your baby.

Sorry, but I for one just don't see that as a valid excuse. I've been to lots of places with my wife not because I was jumping with joy to go but because she wanted/needed me to be there. I think that's part of what marriage is all about, the commitment to be there for your spouse when they need your support even though you'd rather be doing something else.  

Yeah, that is so not a valid issue.

Some counsellors will work by phone, but you are leaving to go to the doctor every now and then, no?  Ask your doctor, but I suspect they would say it is OK for you to double book a doctor's appointment and a counsellor on the same trip, or something.  Generally speaking, doctors do understand that bodily health is only part of the picture.  It is harmful for you, and your baby, to live in an atmosphere of such hostility.  The fact that you see only negative in his return is a huge problem.

I am puzzled by the tone of your notes she devil.  You are sorry he is back?

He is your husband, a new one at that and the man you picked to marry when you were pregnant.  You told us you didn't even know or care if he was the father but that he would be the best father.  Now suddenly he is not?

your mother in law sounds like she is doing her part to help.  I hope you take that as an opening move on her part and that you continue to reach out to her.

I think you need to get your hubby up on the bed with a pot of tea to talk.  What needs to be done physically by him.  What can you do or not do.  Who will carry on.  The "housekeeper"  this sounds like perhaps more than a bi weekly cleaning lady.  Is this someone who is living in and dealing with the daily routine?

Marriage and parenthood is a big issue and needs to be worked on.  He may not know what you need him to do.  Or he may be a big jerk, which then makes me wonder why you married him.

Perhaps , now that you are on bed rest and not working ( maternity leave kicked in?) he is worried about finances.  It's long past time for a good talk.

And an attitude adjustment if this is the man who is going to be in your life as the father of your child forever.  Forever!

how many weeks are you now she devil? 

I am glad that you are staying in bed but I hope that the next time hubby comes up you take the bull by the horns and start communicating.

Personnally I would appologise for losing it over a cup and explain why the cup is important and perhaps ask him not to use it.

then i woudl talk to him about plan for the future, the baby, how you will both cope with the rest of the pregnancy and the baby.

And I would take the time to ask him how he feels.  What is he worried about.  What worries can you share together. 

It takes two to argue but only one to reach out.  He is in a way reaching out by helping you, at least a bit.  Reach back.

I assume if you married him you love him.  I assume he loves you or he would have just monetarily supported his child but not married you.

Get back to those feelings and reconnect.

hard to be you right now she_devil ... thinking about you as each day passes and you come closer to seeing your child.     I do agree that it might be useful to hold out an olive branch, so to speak, & see if you two can at least sort a little bit out.  Somebody has to start the ball rolling in the right direction.    

Anybody else coming by to visit you?  A cup of tea and some laughs with friends can go a long way.  I remember when I was on bedrest in hospital, my crazy Greek girlfriend came by and jumped right into bed with me!  "If you're there, then that's where I should be too!  Let's read a trashy magazine!" she exclaimed.  Made me laugh, and left some of the nurses looking pretty surprised!

good news for you on that one, she devil... boys are WAY easier for single mothers to raise. 

I am sorry to hear of your problems She_Devil.  I am thinking of you.