I've had my fair share of older men these past 2 years of senior high. However why are older men drawn to drastically younger girls??? it seems so wrong.
I really don't know. There is a strong 'ick' factor there for me and for many of the men I know. They can't even think about young women in movies or whatever in a sexy way until they are 18. There are some men, however, who go in for that kind of thing. I don't know if it is because they think they can have more control over a young woman or if it is some kind of thrill because they want someone less experienced. I have to admit, that I lost my virginity to a 30odd year old man when I was 17 and a friend of mine went with a 30 year old man when she was 14. Both of those men tended to hang around with young people in general, I don't know if that factored into anything or not.
Back in ancient times age was not a factor, but then women/girls didn't have much of a say in it either. These guys were born a few hundred years too late. Other than that, EW EW AND EW!
I think it is wrong for a teen, still in high school, to be involved with a guy over 22.
Very yucky on both sides.
the guy, who is over 25 , in my opinion , is probably too immature to attract a mature woman his age and is trying to relive his thrill of high school.
A girl is probably excited to think an older guy likes them but forgets that the older guy is just after sex with a tight body and that if he was really so mature he would n't be with some one who is in highschool.
very yucky and with new laws, possibly illegal ( i think the law is under 16 can't have sex with someone more than 5 years older???)
Is it just me, or has a fetish for schoolgirls has crept into pop culture? I'm thinking Sailor Moon, and the skimpy school uniform thing. When stuff like this makes it to mainstream, it disturbs me. Kids are kids for longer than they've been at any time in history, so it's double EW. I understand that predators perceive assent when in fact it hasn't even entered the minds of young women, who are still maturing -- they might also be testing their power. I wonder if these geezers know how icky they really are.
a friend of mine went with a 30 year old man when she was 14.
I'm not sure what the law specifically says about age, but that's either called paedophilia or statutory rape. In my book, any 30 year old man who sexually desires a 14 year old, is a paedophile.
It is NOT just you ninjafaery. I have been lamenting this tendency for some years now. Remember Britany Spears first video? She danced and sang provocatively in a very skimpy school-girl outfit, and she was a school-girl herself. It was controversial at the time. Now? No one would think twice about it. It was a slippery slope and we let our little girls get dragged all the way to the bottom.
Bratz dolls anyone?
La Senza Girl?
Most elementary schools now have a formal dress code that will send your daughter home if she is dressed too provocatively (showing a ton of cleavage, thongs sticking out over low rise pants, etc). Consider how often girls are going to elementary school dressed like hookers, in order for the problem to warrant division-wide regulations.
Most 10 year old girls on the beach are not wearing cute little-girl bathing suits. They're wearing a child-sized version of their mom's sexy bikini. All the better for oogling by dirty old men on a sunny afternoon.
It's all part of a corporate movement to target young girls as a market for adult wares. And I never cease to be amazed by the number of parents who allow it.
Insomnia Sufferer (that is a sad name!) do you find you are bored with the younger guys now? I can't help but think its a good time for you to step way back and focus on school and work and your girl friends and just fun stuff for awhile. Put energy into that and just enjoy for awhile.
I had a friend who had the same sort of relationships all through her late teens and mid-twenties and it left her feeling like she had to perform all the time - wear the right stuff, cook the right food, drink the right wine and handle all the man's family troubles - all to impress older men. She really truly lost a sense of her own interests and aspirations. She was a yuppy before her time, and in the end it really cost her. She ended up depressed and lonely and angry/suspicious at most guys. Now she isn't 'young' anymore. It hasn't been going well.
My reaction is also Eeeewwww! When I was in high school I only liked guys my age or one or two years older. Real men were of no interest to me, ones with big adult responsibilities, credit cards, rent to pay, full time jobs, bills... no way. I wanted a guy who was fun, daring, footloose and fancy free, and into the same stuff as me, flopping bangs all the better... ; ) Gabba gabba weeks and a weeks an a oneay oneay! I'm a teenage Loboto-may! (Ramones) Be a teen while you are one chick-let!
My son is 21 and i can't imagine him being interested in a 16 year old.
Unfortunately when I was 14 and old enough to date, I considered myself an adult. I was an early developer. I had already reached my maximum height, and wore a C cup bra. Also, since my mother had died, I was pretty much on my own. I had no interest in the boys my age - nor did they in me. Many of them were just entering puberty. So I dated men (18 and up). And I was taken advantage of by men who were too immature themselves to attract a woman their own age.
Definitely not what I wanted for my daughter. And I'd attack any man who starts looking at my granddaughter who is 12, taller than me, and starting to develop into the beautiful woman she will be.
However why are older men drawn to drastically younger girls???
Because they're hot.
Actually KR, that's not the reason older men are drawn to drastically younger girls (key words drastically, and girls). Older men are drawn to them because of personal insecurities, feelings of aging or inadequacy, and in the worst case scenarios, sexual perversity.
I was watching the movie Mystic River last night. One line that struck me was "Nobody cares if a pedophile dies." That may be a generalization but known pedophiles sure aren't mourned like your average Joe and I am sure many left behind are secretly -and not so secretly- glad.
cate, that makes sense as well. I kinda forgot about the fact that most older men don't go out looking for younger women, meaning something must be up with the ones that do. I still think the tendancy for younger girls to be percieved as 'better-lookng' than older women has to at least be a factor though.
I would say a woman is at her peak at about 21/22. But of cource, we are also hot at any other age! Just look at Michelle Pfeiffer! And different women are at their hottest at different ages too. Some still look kinda underripe at 20, and come to their full glory at 29.
I am a man, and say this as a man, part of it may be the following: There is a great difference in the maturity level of many 18 year-old girls and 18 year-old guys. I think that when a man gets to the 25-26 year old level, he may have more in common with 18-22 year old girls than he does with women his own age. (Of course this is a huge generalization)
In high school we men think we are ever-so-mature but in reality we are mentally behind you women...
I am sure you have all seen this before but here it is anyway, like it or not:
In Praise of Older Women
An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.
An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets ... which is why nature intended young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with older men.
An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her.
Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey.
An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you.
Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call...
Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut take out.
An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas...
Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.
Older women know what Kegel exercises are.
An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly sleep with later.
Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.
Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact.
An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.
An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.
Chuckle chuckle. I got a friend I can send that on to.
Way Out There
I was a touring musician for many years, well into my 30's and young girls were often very attracted to us and were not exactly subtle in their come-ons. It made all my band-mates uncomfortable. We prefered our lovers, for lack of a better word, of legal age even if there was a 6-10 year difference in ages sometimes.
But one observation I remember one of the bass-players saying one night---and he was a faithful, quiet married guy---was that girls in their early teens (who attended some of our all-ages shows) were emitting extremely powerful releaser pheremones that they had yet to learn to control and combined with immature and blatant sexual behaviour, it affected men of all ages, but particularly fully matured (at least physically) males.
I recall one instance where a guitarist I was working with had a 13 year girl following him around like a sheep dog and when she arrived backstage at a festival gig in the midst of about 30 musicians, one of the older musicians pulled him roughly aside, having noticed how agitated and stressed alot of the guys were becoming, and told him to get that girl out before something bad happened. Fortunately, the guitarist got rid of her and things immediately calmed down. But it really illustrated what the bass player had said years earlier to me.
It was not so much that the guys were latent paedophiles or had a preference for young, tight bodies or anything like that, because I saw them regularly going for girls in their 20's with all types of mature bodies, but simply a physical response to extremely powerful and irresistible stimuli. Only their personal morality and maybe fear of legal repercussions stopped them from acting on natural impulses.
Man holy, I am gonna get persecuted on this but I will respond anyhow. I recently was dating a girl more then 10 years my junior, she was 19 so don't get on my craw to harshly. I didn't actively seek a relationship with a younger girl it just kinda happend. But this is mostly in response to "trishcuit" In Praise of Older Woman. Where you get your info huh! My girl never waited by the phone for my call, she was an excellent cook, if I was being an asshole she'd let me know. She sure as hell knew what Kegel excercises were and never gave a shit what I was thinking. We were engaged and living together and she used me up. I don't think age is a factor, its maturity level and where you are in life. My father was a lot older then my mom and they were fine. Btw i did have a screaming match with an older woman I dated, in the street, in the middle of the night, so there!
I was 16 and my now husband was 21 when we started dating. Emotional maturity has a lot to do with who makes a good couple, not age.
I was never interested in guys my age, always preferring at least a 4 year age gap. Like Seeler, I also developed early, reaching my full height by age 12. I towered over the guys my age for years.
Paedophelia is statistically, a culturally accepted patriarchal norm. It is generated by the media in a variety of forms and the media reinforces the perception men get that they are eternally young and on the hunt; whereas, women are done at age 24. Recently, feminists have detected the new paedophile norm wherein porn portraying young women and teens is being used so frequently on the net by middle aged men, that it keeps them in a state of re-living and in a manner - perfecting - their own very very imperfect adolescence. In fact, it is now a factor which is further delaying the middle class man's ability to mature.
In fact, young girls only seem more attractive because of a trend in material capitalist judgement - which favours religious fundamentalist & mysogenist stereotypes.
Reality check: Men's sperm has been proven to be less motile, less genetically accurate and produces children with lower I.Q.'s ( not much lower but noted) the older that they get. Whereas, older mothers produce healthier children with higher I.Q.'s)
It is supposed to be a joke and a generalization. I find for the most part it is true.
You must have lucked out with your 19-year old and found a very mature minded young lady. Good for you.
Way Out There: That's interesting. I was ga ga for a certain member of Duran Duran... OK... JOHN TAYLOR!!! when I was 13/14. But if by any extreemly unlikely chance I had ever come into said man's company as a young girl, I would have giggled myself silly and probably run away! But that attraction for me, and about every other girl out there, for some rock star or other, is a really powerful thing. Intersting to hear some science behind it. So that's why we go crazy and scream our heads off! Thanks.
Actually now that I think about it some more, I probly would have giggled a hell of a lot, shaken like a leaf, asked for his autograph, profusely thanked him, then proceeded to cry and faint.
Ya lucky, my a**. I wouldn't date a girl that young if SHE paid me. I'm a romantic and it's wasted on youth these days, I am also very bitter can you tell? If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a beautiful woman your wife!
Well, we weren't heart-throbs by any stretch of the imagination, but we often joked that in smaller cities and towns across the country it didn't matter what you looked like, so long as you were 'in the band.' Even Quasimodo could get action on the road.
But when young girls were present, they almost behaved as if they were star-struck, although we were all nobodys. Maybe they hadn't learned to differentiate between touring bands and rock star bands or maybe it was the fact we had long hair, lived a nomadic musicians lifestyle that they might have perceived as glamorous (far from it, in reality). I remember seeing girls as young as 13 coming on to guys in their 30's (who sometimes had girlfriends with them), including me. The guys and I were all really uncomfortable, not always knowing how to reject their advances and distance ourselves from them without hurting their feelings, especially if we had eyes for others (10 years their senior) and they were cramping our style, so to speak. Those gigs were never our favourites. The girls didn't really appreciate what we were playing. The guys that age were just into making noise and drowning us out, emulating what they saw older teenagers and guys in their 20's do. Nobody really listened. And then you had to deal with fawning girls afterward who, I guess, were in heat or something, emitting raw, untamed sexual energy. Most, of course, and I mean the vast majority, were merely flexing their newly-discovered sexual power and were not serious about getting involved with us in any way (and we knew it and were just as uninterested as well). They were just testing their limits, seeing how grown men would react. But there were those who were anxious to explore further and they were the problem. Trying to get away from a 14 year-old who lacks any sophistication, control or subtlety isn't easy in confined spaces. But as much as their behaviour was bold and blatant, I never saw or heard of any of my band-mates with any of my bands actually succumb to or act on their natural impulses though I wouldn't be surprised if a few had at one time or another. It's biology, after all and men can sometimes be Pavlov's dog.
The age of consent in Canada is 14. What you are talking about is therefore is a relationship between mutually consenting adults. I thought that this sort of thing was out of bounds for discussion? Who are we to criticize the morals of others?
the law also states that a youth cannot have more than a 5 year age difference with a sexual partner.
Hence the 14 year old and 19 year old are right on the cusp of that.
and a 14 year old with anyone older is statutory rape.
I think the allure is the older person ( either sex although it seems to be mainly young girls older guys). the 14/15 year old thinks the 20 year old is sooo cool and mature....... In realilty the 20 year old can't relate to women his own age and so goes to the younger girl.
and the 30 year old after the 15 year old? Again, the girl may think he is so mature but in realtiy this is a man with issues who can't attract a women his own decade.
last, I can't find that in the Criminal Code. All I could find was that any sexual relationship between a person 14-18 with a person who is in a position of authority is illegal. Maybe we need a legal beagle on this one, but as far as I can tell, what you describe is not law. Can you tell us where it says that? I will go look again too.
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a beautiful woman your wife!
* * *
aaah yes many as song has been written about that. My brother even told our cousin "Stay away from the really goodlooking ones. They're too much work." (my brother's girl socked him, haha)
While that may have some validity some of the time---say, when a man is only interested in 15 year old girls and pursues them exclusively---, it is a sweeping generalization that likely wouldn't stand up to psychological, psychiatric or sociologists thorough examination. There are probably many factors and conditions that might result in a 30 year-old man pursuing a 15 year-old girl in a one-time thing. Immeditealy jumping to conclusions that he has issues and can't attract a woman within an 'acceptable' age-range is failing to recognize the complex mitigating factors that might exist. Just guessing here, but I am averse to judgemental attitudes and over-simplification and gross generalizations in general.
Actually the age of consent was raised to 16 almost a year ago. The new law contains the 5 year difference thing.
There's a cult community in Texas where they give away free pastel-colored dresses. That might be a big draw.
some, are you absolutely sure about that? I know that this was a proposed bill, but I don't think it is yet passed.
ninja, thanks for the update.
Back to rock bands...Maybe it's the expresing of artistic feeling, artistic expression, that the girls like, as happens with actors as well. Painters don't get the same kind of exposure or maybe they would be hearthrobs too! Maybe, as you say Way Out There, they can't tell the difference between stars and as yet not famous musicians and they're just trying to look cool to their friends... Maybe it's the excitement of the concert that is sortof religious in nature and sends girls into a frenzy, like alcohol? I know big concerts are like that.
Hell no man, it's the tight pants and their stance up on stage with the guitar etc. Sometimes it seems almost animalistic. (Insert 'big cat' or 'stallion' here.). The whole vibe sends the pheremones into overdrive.
My theory (having lived through it) is all the above at a safe distance. You can fantasize to your heart's content without actually having to deal with all that raw sexuality in real life when you're a young woman.
There are two kinds of porn. Female romantic/sexual/princess porn and malesexual/sexual/sexual porn at that age -- neither is based on anything real and imposes an unrealistic standard on one another, and they clash until it's all negotiated. IMO
Ninja, I was actually wondering about that because I did read an article that it had been raised to 16 but then in the paper today a man had been sentenced for invitation to sexual touching with a person under 14. It seems very confusing. What, if any, charges would their have been if the boys werer between 14 and 16?
I agree with that too. Put the two together though, now that's awesome! Have you ever sat up in the 50th row at a stadium to see a big name act and felt the vibe of seclusion and specialness go through the building, 10...20, 000 screaming, highly wound up people? Wow, man, it's mindblowing. It's like the gods have come and we're all there to worship.
I am interested on where you found research that linked higher I.Q's and healthier children with older mothers.I am curious because most research I have found says the opposite when talking about healthy children.
On the whole, age (in its association to the female reproductive system) is linked to a variety of physiologic dangers:
I feel there may be other factors associated with higher I.Q.'s in children with older mothers; time spent in educational play and activities, the relaxation level of the mother as a parent.(ie) how comfortable she is being a parent,or whether there are older siblings in the household.These situational factors could greatly increase the high I.Q. levels found in children with older mothers.
I think it depends on the situation. It is gross when an older guy is trying to get with a younger high school girl and checks them out and such. Sometimes however things just happen.
The relationship being successful all depends on maturity. I am 19 and my bf is 38. we met through work 4 years ago and where just friends as we grew closer we started to have feelings for eachother and were both on the same maturity leval. In fact new people to my work after meeting me, talking to me, and getting to know me are shocked at how young i am. We have been together for over a year as a couple (we started ina n open realationship when i was 17 because he did like me and i liked him but he was uncomfortable with my age).
I see no issue with relationships that have a large age difference as long as it wasn't like an older guy asking a really young girl out on a date after just meeting them once because it takes actually knowing the person to understand who they are and their maturity leval.
Well I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 24, we've been going out for two months now but he's the sweetest guy ever. It's not like I intentionally went for an older guy, it just happened. We just clicked together and now we're inseperable. I may not have a lot of experience in relationships but I know that in relationships like this the girl has to be careful. I love my boyfriend unconditionally but I still keep my guard up even though we've promised to not sex.
But before I was in a relationship that I was 2 years older than the guy, it only lasted for 3 weeks because I couldn't take it anymore, yes I liked him but I felt so gross when I kissed him. It just made me feel even older and it grossed me out.
I personally think that in relationships where the guy is older and only looking for sex with a younger girl, that's just nasty.
Um ya nasty. You only been with this guy 2 months, and you love him unconditionally, that's nasty. I don't know who to feel more sorry for, you or him!
Pretty nasty comment too.
Love can happen that quickly.
Pretty nasty comment too.
Love can happen that quickly.
My wife and I were pretty much committed in love within a few months (four, basically) although we held off on the wedding for practical reasons, since we were both just finishing grad school and looking for careers. We're still together 20 years later (15 of them married).
On the OT, I don't get the attraction that a young girl/woman would have for a guy who was older than about 25 (I can certainly see where a 15-16 year-old girl might appeal to a 19-20 year-old guy). Even physically, I find more mature women more attractive (my wife is actually older than me). If I was "back on the market" (God forbid!), I couldn't see myself going younger than 30 at this point in my life, and even that would be a big age gap (I'm forty <mumble mumble>).
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