Man, another thread on pre-marital sex. How about some marital sex or extra-marital sex or even sex that has nothing to do with marriage?

For me, what you've said is right on the money. In my case, I married my first serious girlfriend and we're still together, probably until death do us part. Monogamy works for me and I don't see any reason to change that.

However, I have come across people through web forums (not WC) who practice polyamory, open marriage, and the like who feel otherwise. Their view is that they have room in their  hearts and beds for more than just one and they set up their relationships/marriages to accomodate that. This is not cheating. Nor is it Fundamentalist LDS harems. This is couples creating consensual agreements to redefine their marriage as including >2 partners or at least the option of having additional partners. There are various configurations and permutations possible, so there's really no "typical" arrangement that I can find. While I'm mono (to use their terminology) myself, I'm not about to condemn these people as long as the poly relationship is consensual and all partners are getting into it with their eyes open. It's their business and neither the state, nor the church, nor I have any place in their bedrooms.

All IMHO, YMMV, etc.

Mendalla

I have penpals who are swingers (one friend then by extension a few of her friends). I'm told it's just as simple as eschewing jealousy. Sex is what you make of it. They fall in love and get married just like everyone else, but they also have sex with people in a purely recreational fashion. Personally I do think that's adultery (except for single people) so it's not a choice I will make, but from a purely intellectual standpoint I get what I've been told.

What about 2 partners in your life?  or 3?

What number do you draw the line on?

As-salaamu alaikum

-Omni

My wife and I met in January, started dating in March or so and were Married in late Dec. of that year. Her dad met her mom (second wife after the first died) a married in about a month or two. They stayed married until she died about 30 years later. I do know that the odds are poor when you're that quick though.

Know yourself,

which means experimenting, exploring, taking risks, falling flat on your face and then getting back up again, being hurt, healing, laughing at yourself, laughing with others, sharing with others, being able to shut up and listen to others and to the laughter and love that suffuses universe.

The one caveat I would add to the idea that one relationship a year for seven years is (besides the aforementioned brevity of all seven serious relationships) that I would assume and recommend time between relationships if for no other reason than it can lead to a person becoming dependant upon defining themself by who they are with.

Peace

Joel

It's too late (almost 5am) for me to read through the other posts but IMHO I think you should do what feels right for YOU and what makes YOU feel happy.

I also think having a set number in your head, like a limit, to how many guys you'll.. well, you know, is a bad idea (not saying that wanting as few as possible is a bad thing, just that if you say to yourself "no more than X" and then it turns out that X amount of guys turned out to be [explative deleted] you might feel down on yourself for going over what you felt was acceptable, if that makes sence to you, like I said, it's about 5am so my mind's kinda crazy and maybe this doesn't make any sence at all and everybody'll think I'm a nut) .

Well, anyways, that's my (non Christian) spin on the subject. Just do what feels right.

I had a good quote on another tab a few hours ago that kinda went with what I'm saying, but it seems I closed it. It said something about not taking chances or making mistakes or something like that.... oh well.

Good night, 'Cafe

I have nothing against girls my age who decide with their serious boyfriends that they want to have sex (safely) with a significant amount of emotional investment on either side of the relationship.

but for ME, I feel that if I had sex with someone I dated for years and thought I was going to marry, and then fate somehow intervened and I didn't end up with that person, I would have a heck of a time explaining my physical/emotional past with another man to my future husband.

And picture it this way - on your wedding night, if you are the first and only naked woman you know your husban has ever/will ever see, imagine how much more beautiful you are to him. Imagine how much more you will be appreciated by him, knowing that he has nothing to hold in comparison to you. And vice versa for him.

And think of how much stronger waiting can make your initial relationship with someone can be in the long run if you focus on everything BUT physical needs together - financial, spiritual, emotional, etc.

I'm sorry but speaking as a husband, and a minister, that's a little bit naive.

If the only reason your husband thinks you're beautiful is because he's got nothing to compare it to, then you've got bigger problems... not the least of which is what's the best way to permanently blind him so he never accidently sees a news stand, or an art show, or heritage statuary, or a woman breast feeding..

I've seen thousands of women naked, in all sorts of situations, and I've had the pleasure of intimate company with a few as well. MY wife is the most beautiful woman on the face of the planet, without question, bar none. And she's the most beautiful DESPITE having seen other women.

The measure of love is not whether you're his only one so long as he's had only you. The measure of love is being given the option of the buffet, and choosing only the one dessert that is sweetest on your tongue.

I defy anyone to have a stronger and more intimate relationship with their partner than I have with my dear wife.

Are you preferentially attracted to emotionally immature and/or insecure men?  If not, then this should not be a serious concern.

Ditto what Witch said.  If you so desperately need to avoid exposure to information on the appearance of other people, then your relationship is probably paper-thin and doomed at the outset.

Do you have any evidence that avoiding physical contact strengthens a relationship?  You don't actually, do you?  You're just stating this because it reinforces your own emotional biases, aren't you?

One additional thought.

Ultimately I would suggest that you should have sex (or not) because it is your decision.  If you are enough of an adult to be considering sex then you are enough of an adult to make decisions about your faith, your beliefs/values and your body. 

If you wish to refrain from sex until you are married (or older, or engaged, or whatever) then I support and celebrate your choice. It is a mature and responsible decision.  However, have sex (or not) because you believe it is the correct decision and because it honours your faith and your relationship...not because of a guilt trip, or because some future hypothetical husband might be threatened or whatever other flimsy reason you may offer.

And, at the risk of being a bit harsh, your profile says you are under 18.  You are still very young and I would question your ability to live with the all consequences of sexual relationship at this point in your life (which could include pregnancy, of course).  Sex is best within a mature, consensual, loving and adult relationship. If you are indeed under 18 then you are not yet an adult (sorry, that was the harsh part). Perhaps right now that is enough of a reason to defer sex until you are older and can be more clear about your reasons for having, or not having, sex.

I don't think that's quite a fair response to Jae in this instance, David.  Jae is making a comment on what he would be okay with doing, personally.  He didn't denounce others who might think differently.  He made it clear, at least as I understood him, that his reasons for not being "okay with" having the relationship pattern described by chemgal was due to how he believes he would react, emotionally.  "Beliefs" didn't even play into it.

Brilliant responses.  Well done, seriously.

Ohhhhhh my. That is a FANTASTIC sentence to put in a thread about sex.

I don't think "nasty" is the right word.  Oh sure, one sexual partner might feel left out if you concentrate on the other one for too long.  That's why you need to multitask and keep them both engaged at the same time.

Thank you Azdgari, that is what I was saying. The thing with me is that when I give my heart, I give it completely. I could not cope with being so close to people and then giving each one up. My heart would break so often to the point that I fear I would die.