Define "good in the bedroom". I think that there are a number of factors in play (sex drive, kinks, physical attraction, etc.) in that statement. My good sex may not be the same as your good sex.

So, first of all, you need to establish ahead of time whether the two of you connect on enough of these factors for good sex to even be an option.

Second, there's the matter of how important sex is overall. For some people, it will be a deal breaker. For others, connecting on other, non-physical levels might offset the sex issue. Some people are asexual and only connect on a non-sexual level.

Then there's the issue of how you will handle changing sexual expectations once you're in the relationship. Sex drives at 50 are different beasts from sex drives at 25 and what excited one at 30 might not be so exciting at 40.

For me, it's important, but so is connecting on other levels (shared intellectual interests, enjoying each others company, etc.). If I had mind-blowing sex but no other connection, then no marriage (but one hell of a one-night stand). If I had so so sex, but good connections on other levels, then marriage or other longterm relationship is still a possibility. No sex ain't an option for me, though .

In the end, it all comes down to the couple communicating about their expectations (not just at the beginning of the relationship but throughout) and deciding if those expectations match up.

All IMHO, YMMV, etc. but based on 16 years of marriage.

Mendalla

I think the key here is having matched expectations, rather than high or low ones. In theory, I could be incredibly compatible with one partner and consider him fantastic, while another woman would not and vice versa. This goes for quality and quantity both; obviously someone who likes 'playing', toys etc. and someone who's more conservative in the bedroom wouldn't be compatible, yet that's not to say either of them are 'bad' in bed. I don't think there's any such thing as bad in this case, so subjective is it.

You can bypass the training ..... if you keep a crop whip handy

She's holding out on us ..... that's what i heard from the orgy party

LOL it's the boys that do da chasing most of the time

I'm pleased to report that my mirror's got it all wrong. I was a steward at church yesterday - and a nice man kissed me on the cheek.

All I had to do was smile and hand him a hymm book - honest!   

To quote a meme from my other board: This thread is useless without pics .

But, more seriously, SL is on the money. Most of the women that I would rate desirable are ones I know IRL, not actresses or models.

Mendalla

There is no way of predicting how a couple's sex life will evolve, given that several factors influence that. Lifestyle plays a huge role -- if both parties are at full tilt with work and caring for children, it often gets to be a lower priority. If either of the parties becomes afflicted physically in  such a way as to interfere with sexual activiity, that can play a role in frequency and quality of sexual activities.

Sex must be good in marriage (IMO) I can honestly say its better for me in my marriage now then the casual flings and one night stands of the past, becuase you go in with expectations that don`t get met or your not satisfied with the person cuz they have bad breath or ``stink`` or turn you off in some way with a mood or comment or whatever. just being realistic.

You learn each others way and preference in marriage or relationship and accept one another physically and continually improve on it.

If you love someone you will want to have sex with them.  If you feel that they are disrespecting you or using you in some way you won't.  So if sex is a problem in a relationship than it is problem of a bigger issue.

Interestingly, statistically in cases of dementia the women stop having sex with their partners if the men get dementia.  People who get dementia usually experience increased sex drives.   Men whose wives get dementia have no issues with being care giver and sex partner.    Women have reported that after they have sex their husband asks them to leave so his wife does not catch them and that turns them off.  So that shows that sex for men is more physical and for women it needs to be more in a relationship.  This is in general terms.  There are exceptions to every rule.

i love my husband like crazy, and i dont' want to have sex with him all the time...  sometimes a cuddle or just to be held is what i need.  if he makes a pass at me then, i'm like 'ewwwwwwww!!!!'

sorry about that, jess... my husband is a marathon runner, so its only me that you need to visualize as 'less than hot'....

hope that mends at least some of the damage...

we can't visualize you as hot or less than hot because we are straight.  we may need some help in that regard from stevieg

  A psychologically balanced (normal) & mature person will not be interested in a caring &  intimate relationship with someone who uses or otherwise disrespects them.  Too many people mistake sex  for love. 

  A person can have all the sex she wants, with or without love.  There are different kinds of love, but the kind of love being discussed here is the kind usually experienced between two adults in a sexual relationship.  In a respectful & intimate relationship between two mature (intellectually & emotionally mature, not old) adults, sex is very important & can still be part of the relationship even into old age, because sex is not just about pleasing yourself physically but is more about expressing your love & caring for your partner in a real & intimate way.  The selfishness which is inherent in a purely sexual "relationship" is replaced with selflessness & giving in a real relationship between two people who truly love one another, so the sex in such a relationship is far better & more intense (it should be, anyway).

  True love is about the willingness of each person in the relationship to extend oneself to help the other in a truly caring manner, not just in sex, but in all aspects of the relationship.  If the other person uses you or shows contempt or disrespect in some other way to you over a long period of time, that person does not love you, because with respect there is no love.  That doesn't mean everything will be blissful & peaceful & perfect.  In fact, one real sign of respect is the willingness of the other person to challenge you to improve yourself & provide gentle but constructive criticism, when necessary. 

  Sex can exist without love, but love (between two mature adults in their sexually active years) without sex is almost impossible in a loving intimate relationship.

LOL what a mechanical answer Besh ...

Yes it's a connection

No it does not have to be an emotional one all the time

Love trumps all.

LOL she must be the rare exception to the rule

 Because we love each other we can compromize.

Sorry sweetie that won't work forever ..................

Oh women stray too just who do you think the dudes are cheating with ?

women sex is more spiritual

yeah those web cam girls are asking for spiritual direction on their knees ......

To answer the original question, no, at least not for me.  I believe both are probably important to most people and some people keep them separate. When I think of Love, I also don't think only of Romantic Love in the modern Western sense, but of caring, bonding, and sharing with others. I don't expect to have just one love relationship, but for practical and emotional reasons, one sexual relationship at a time is definitely best for me.

At many times in my adulthood I've lived without sex.  It's not ideal, but it's survivable.  Without love, however, I think I'd shrivel up and die.