This reminds me of my internship.  I was serving as the youth and young adult pastor.  The senior pastor wanted me to teach this couse, can't remember the name of it, that taught abstinence.  It ended with the kids getting a certificate and stuff.  I kept avoiding the topic with him.  I definitely agree that it is the best way not to get an STD or pregnant, but . . . .

I am astounded that churches use these programs when they don't seem to be very affective at all.  I have a friend from Zambia and he says the churches are very legalisic and ram the message into the kids, and yet AIDS and pregnancy is exactly the same in and out of the church, reminds me of divorce?

I still believe abstinence is the best option, but obviously church kids are still doing it, so maybe safe sex should still be taught too!  In fact my mother even gave me condomns in high school and told me that if I was going to have sex and needed the apartment that could even be arranged.  She insisted that she didn't want me to have sex until I was with someone I truly loved and wanted to stay with, but if I was going to go the preferred way, then at least I should be smart about it.  I think I was one of the few virgins in a Catholic high school.

I know abstinence is possible I even have a couple of friends who got married 2 years ago, and both of them in their 20's who had never even kissed someone before.  Personally I don't see how universal that will ever be.  I think my CALM teacher helped me a lot with a scale that had physical on one side and emotional on the other.  Physical was sort of like - standing closer, eye contact, touching, holding hands, hugging,  . . .. . sex.  and Emotional was - met, attraction, learning facts, learning feelings, values . .. . love.  He said that not everyones charts were the same, for some people hugging is more intimate than holding hands, and vice versa, but that problems arise when we are too far along one side and not the other in a relationship.  The perfect thing would be that when we are ready to get married we are in the love state, and that physically we just short of all the deep sexual stuff.  maybe long engagements are a bad idea too!!

What a strange choice for her to speak on.

She could instead be a role model for how young teens can actually have a baby and finish high school ( if she is)  to talk about the impacts of having a baby as a result of not being protected and how all sexually active kids should be using protection.

Very odd

Abstinance also tends to push out those who choose to live their life differently  (i.e. cohabitation).

Peace

Joel

I think that  teens have sex because they are biologically created that way.

Only in our generation have 15- 18 year olds been treated as children.

Past generations had that age married, rasing kids, working on the farm.......

We have created this artifical teenage life and many balk against it.

Hormonally they are primed to have sex.  It is just culturally that we say "don't"

I think we all come off as big ol' hypocrites at times. We could still teach what we do, without being hypocrites. It just means we cannot do it from that pedestal.

My folks lectured about abstinence and I knew neither were virgins. So, here was a lesson being offered by someone who slept with people on shore leave, often at a financial cost, and someone who had a child out of wedlock. All we took from it was, "do as I say, not as I do".

I also know that people were married and having babies as teens.

I believe that when we avoid or sugar coat our own "stuff" we fail ourselves and others. We do this whole self-confident, invincible, moral thing instead of showing our vulnerability, our weaknesses and our deepest hurts. The lessons we could teach, the help we could be... all lost because we like the seat on the pedestal.

I never told the daughter my ex and I raised together to wait until she was married. It would make me a big old hypocrite. Also, at that time gays and lesbians couldn't be married, so what would that say about me or about GLBTQ teens? We simply told her to wait until she knew it was the right time. Then we had to teach you might know and that the potential always exists to be wrong.

I was willing to sit and share what my experiences, my lessons, my problems, my hurts...  were with having or bringing up sex too soon with the right person or doing so with the wrong person. Her mother shared the same. It meant she learned the cost of our decisions without having to make them on her own, if she so chose. Yet, we also acknowledged that others tried to tell us and we chose the school of hard knocks.We shared our own regrets or lessons that could have been easier to learn or less painful. We shared that sex comes with risk and responsibility.

There is a program there called "Choosing the Best". It is an abstinence program. The program has about 75% of all students saying they will be abstinent until marriage, 60% of the active saying they will be abstinent in the future.

Yet, 30+ % of those same girls between 13-17 years old  have been pregnant and they did not get pregnant alone.

It was not where we chose to go. 

In an area where education lags, poverty is widespread, teen sex is rampant and there is such a high rate of teen pregnancy ---  I am proud that she planned on losing her virginity. She knew the risks and was willing to take the responsibilities. She was also 18.

Remember that in many cultures, including Chrisitan ones, marriage generally happened at a very early age. If girls were getting married at 15 years of age, then the idea of being abstinent before you married was much more practical to uphold.

But cultures have changed. now the push is for sex when in your 20's, and marriage when in your 30's. I think most people agree that sex is an adult thing, and teens generally are not mature enough to deal with the practicalities of birth control, and they are certainly not mature enough to deal with the increased intimacy and the increased heartache they will feel if and when this relationship breaks up.        

Add to that the fact that the media everywhere (movies, t.v., advertising, billboards) literally screams at teens that they should be in sexual relationships. Today's teens often feel that if they are not in a sexual relationship, then there is something wrong with them.

I agree with other posters on this thread that teens need to feel empowerment. They need to be taught that their body is a temple, and that they have control over what they choose to do. They can choose to say no to alcohol and drugs on the grounds that they don't want to pollute their temples. They can decide to eat nutritious food over junk food because they want to treat their temple right. and they can say no to sex if they feel their temple is not ready. Or they can wait until they feel emotionally ready for the experience, or until they feel the relationship is mature enough. I think the key is to teach empowerment over the choices you make for your body the temple.

Pledges don't work because they are too much like nuns' vows. it's easier to make a vow of chastity if you live separately from the mainstream population in a convent, and where you can isolate yourself from sex in the media, and where you can support each other in your vows.

Teens don't live isolated from sex in the media the way nuns do.  The teen's best defense is "choose for your temple" empowerment.