It is so cold that the outside workers at the slaughterhouse go into the meat locker to warm up.

It is cold enough to stick a dog to a fire hydrant

It is so cold I would cuddle with my mother-in-law.

It is so cold my outdoor thermometer is knocking on the window asking to be let in.

It is so cold the roads are slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree... than greased goose poop... than a minnow's member... than two eels doing it in a bucket of snot... (you get the picture)

It is so cold it is going over like a pregnant pole vaulter.

It is so cold I would rather jump off a stepladder into a 5 gallon bucket of porcupines than head outside.

One thing Texas gave me is plenty of colloquialisms that make people ask "what did you just say?"

Cold enough that superconductivity grinds to a halt
 

Cold enough to make the Current Pope convert to Atheism
 

It was so cold that all of reality's Top Cold Experts came over just to see how cold it was
 

Cold enough to make Dr Suzuki pray for global warming
 

Cold enough to eliminate an entire town of Tourettes sufferers as their very words were turned into sharpened shards of ice
 

Cold enough to make a new form of logic that could save the world that I can't recall now because it is too warm
 

Could enough to make a bisexual/agnostic choose

Cold enough to make antifreeze freeze.

Cold enough to make absolute zero seem warm.

Cold enough to keep the children from escaping from under the Priest's robes

Cold enough to freeze your Winnebego.

Cold enough to freeze a penguin's butt.

So cold the cows were giving ice cream.

It's cold enough that if you spit it will freeze and bounce.

It's so cold, the dog does a three-legged dance trying to keep his feet off the cold ground.